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  • 學位論文

助人工作者的面具與實相---一位國中輔導教師參與讀夢團體之敘事與覺察

Mask vs. Authenticity in Junior High Counseling--A Narrative of Self-Discovery in a Dream Group

指導教授 : 汪淑媛
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摘要


這是一位國中輔導教師透過「賞讀夢境」以及「自我敘事」以找尋自我的一趟旅程。透過這份研究,我欲還原參與讀夢團體及獨自賞讀夢境之真實經驗,我欲探尋參與讀夢團體對一位助人工作者之影響與意義,並試圖探究參與讀夢團體是否能成為助人者提升自我覺察之途徑。 這份敘說共包含七個獨特的夢境,每個夢境都引領我去看見臉上所戴的面具及面具後之真實。第一個夢,我在夢中如同在現實中遍尋不著屬於我的位置,我在追問我的熱情是否能出櫃?第二個夢,我看見自己被「你的輔導沒有效」這樣的緊箍咒所綑綁,我被孩子的問題所綁架,我無法相信孩子擁有他自身的力量可以自己走路回到心中的家;第三個夢,我看見自己被專業角色所侷限,我的真實情緒在夢中以一個酗酒者的咆哮來指控我的虛偽; 第四個夢中有一群人汲汲營營在陡峭黑色山脈上攀爬,就像工作現場中追求權力者的嘴臉,但卻也發現那是我醜陋的好勝心在作祟,阻擋了我與同僚的合作;第五個夢中我被指控在歌唱比賽中對嘴,我看見自己匠氣地使用著既有的理論與知識,自己卻不安在於助人的當下;第六個夢我預見了所渴望的未來,我明白了自己心中真正的願景;第七個夢,我難過地看見自己竟把助人當成一場考試,我在追求高分與他者的肯定,我看見自己身為助人者的傲慢與自以為是,這些看見使我得以更謙卑地去敬重另一個生命的獨特與厚度,重新看見每個孩子就像是夢中那本厚重的書,需要緩慢用心地賞讀。 最後,我提出對「夢」及「賞讀夢境」的詮釋,夢是永遠不會離我而去的誠實朋友,夢也像犁田機耕耘我的心田,亦是一面明鏡照見自己,使我隨著更深的自我覺察漸漸卸下專業厚重的盔甲,並從他者的期待中解脫,同時,亦使別人從我的期待中釋放。這份敘說以及我的夢將繼續引導我未來的助人實踐,朝著如我所是的姿態與另一個生命相遇。

並列摘要


This is a journey of a Junior High Counselor discovering herself through joining dream groups and writing narratives. Via this research, I will bring you to my unique experience of joining dream groups and my private experiences of appreciating my dreams by myself. I want to discover the effects and meaning of a dream group and figure out if joining dream groups is efficient to improve the self-awareness for a professional helper. This narrative includes seven unique dreams. Each dream brought me to see the mask I wore and realize the authenticity behind it. In the FIRST dream, I couldn’t find out a place or a seat that belongs to me. Meanwhile in real life, I was also wondering if my passion could come out of the closet. In the SECOND dream, I saw myself hooped and sieged by “Your counseling doesn’t work.” I was kidnapped by my clients’ problems and I couldn’t believe in that they might have the ability to find their own way back home in their minds. In the THIRD dream, I saw myself limited by my inflexible professional role. My real emotions showed up as a yelling alcoholic accusing me of my sham. In my FOURTH dream, there was a group of people climbing a steep black mountain ambitiously. The scene was just like some of the people in my real life pursuing more authority in the office. But I also found out that it resembled my ugly desire for excellence which interdicts my connection with my colleagues. In my FIFTH dream, I was accused for lip-syncing in a singing competition. I saw myself obsessing with my theories and knowledge, and which kept me from being in the counseling session. In my SIXTH dream, I foresaw the future I yearned for, and then I realized my real prospect. And in my SEVENTH dream, I was surprised and upset that I treated counseling as an exam. I was chasing high scores and approval from others. I saw my arrogance as a professional helper. Such awareness made me more humble and respectful for the uniqueness and depth of every child’s life. I found out that every child is like the thick book in my dream that needs to be appreciated slowly and wholeheartedly. In the end, I brought up my annotation about the dreams and the experience of appreciating the dreams. Dream is my most honest friend who will always by my side. Dream is like a cultivator that ploughs my mind. Dream is like a mirror which, through the deeper self-awareness, reflects myself and looses my mask and armor of the professional role. I free myself from the expectation of others; meanwhile, I set others free from my expectation. In the future, when I meet every other precious life, this narrative and my dreams will keep guiding my helping practices and lead my actions toward my real self.

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