一顆異類社工的尋夢之旅

中文摘要由我開始思索、選擇什麼方式、理論、形式，已是頭腦昏亂，沒有什麼頭緒，不知如何著手時，接觸了「自我敘事」，便深思、考慮用此為研究方法，因過去一直大多學習量化研究典範，甚少接觸質性研究，故相信這個用自我敘事為論文的研究方法，不只是一個挑戰，也是一個學習，這也是來台灣唸書的目的之一。走出了舒適圈( 即不以過去認識的量化研究方法)，我需要思索以什麼或誰為研究目標、對象，經過一個思考歷程，最終以「我」的故事及「我是社工」作為研究，從「我為何會選擇當社工」、「如何走進這社工路」(一個青少年服務社工)、以及「什麼機遇走上從政路」(90年代的區議員)，最後「如何尋夢與圓夢」(一個成績普通的農家出身的小伙子)，在多重自我，反覆問自己、思考「我」有什麼特點及不同，故不斷反覆思考，從而再發掘自己，如何自覺自已是一個「異類」或部份眼中的「異類」，自我充滿了衝突與矛盾，從而對自我的剖析和解說。當我書寫自我敘述的故事時，依著我的生命軌跡，把我不同時候、階段的盒子打開，猶如穿越了過去的空間，以多重視角看回我的自己，還縱貫了自我意識、社會/時代的情境、脈絡、社會體制之間的互動、相互影響，也由此發掘自己生命的斷裂經驗，如一方面是自己為主體(如一個農家兒子、中小學生)在當時傳統鄉村家庭體制、教育體制的壓迫、壓制; 另一方面是主體如何在與高等教育體制/規則、社會工作專業規範之間輾轉、掙扎，再是因應社會歷史發展、脈絡走進了角色轉化(社工議員)、多重角色，也反映了絕大部份人需依循社會體制或社會工作體系的經歷，不自覺地在這規範中被服從或被洗禮，可能很容易跌進了專業的迷失、忘掉了初心。最後，我書寫我的故事，在自我發掘、反思的過程，可讓自己更了解「我」，而且尋回了「我」，尋找到自我認同，更認識、認同了過去的自己、歷史、經歷和經驗，再不會迷失，自己的初衷。另也讓我明白專業社工的模樣，可以有多樣化、不同形態的社工，在社會體系內實踐社工專業。再者，我肯定自已的經歷、角色，不再輾轉在過去不愉快、痛苦的經驗、內心的衝突、掙扎，走出了自我矛盾的困局，已找到了自我認同，不再沒自信、感到被少看、因應他人而思考、行為，重拾了自信、肯定，重新做回真實的自己，在這充滿著矛盾、苦難的現實社會中，我更清楚自己是一個什麼的人(天生是幫助別人、解難者)，擔當什麼的角色(專業社工/助人者)，堅持自己的理念、初衷，繼續走我的社工路。

關鍵字

自我敘事；自我認同；社工路；初衷

並列摘要

Abstract I am in a mess while considering to adopt what type of concept, style or methodology to draft this paper before the acknowledgment of self-narrative . I have understandings in quantitative survey in the studies of social science; however, it is new experience concerning the qualitative survey method. Therefore it is not only a challenge to adopt the self-narrative as the paper’s methodology, but also an opportunity of learning which is the main objective of my post-graduate studies in Taiwan. Leaving the comfort zone denote I have to consider that who and what to be the objective and target of the studies. Via the thinking process I finally adopt “my” story and “I am a social worker” as the studies, starting from “why do I select social worker as my career” to “how to be a children and youth social worker”, then “what is the encounter to participate in the political field” and lastly “ how to seek for my dream and make dream comes true”. Experiencing repeatedly thinking my life span in order to explore what am I under the framework of whether my self-awareness as being an “alien” in the eyes of my peers, I am released from the self-conflict and contradiction. When I am writing the self-narrative of my life, I am also opening the boxes of different time, difference space as to transcend the history and observe myself in multi-perspective. Penetrating the interaction and inter-effect among self-conscious, social context, social institutions is the factual of my life. Once “I” as the subject to be oppressed in the education institution and the tradition Chinese farmer family; again, “I” as the subject to be struggled in the territory education institution and the professional code of social work. Entirely, following the historical development of transformation to be a multi-role social work with the political role as a councilor. It is not difficulty to be lost in the regime of professional practice and forget to remain the true and original aspiration of being a social worker via obedience and baptism in the institution of social work profession. Finally, I write my story so as to understand, to seek and to explore my true self and the true and original aspiration and achieve the self-affirmation as a result of understanding of different models of social work service as at the social institutions. I may be release for the unpleasure and painful experience with struggling in both my mind and behavior. I have to obtain crystal understanding to the nature of myself and the role play in the social work service by the way to affirm my value to be a social worker.