苦雨中踽踽獨行：為自己撐起一把傘

這是一個女性透過自我敘說的探索得以自我覺察與轉化的過程之研究。研究者在原生家庭與衍生家庭裡，經歷各種家庭角色的轉變，並在各種關係當中經驗到種種的衝擊與困境，透過論文書寫，重新挖掘、反思與再詮釋自己的生命故事，並走出生命的新方向。本研究以自我敘說的方式書寫我個人的生命故事，以家庭為主軸，循著自身角色的改變，探尋自己為人女、為人媳、為人妻、為人母四種角色的生命經驗，寫在各種關係中自己的愛與恨、喜與悲，以及在探索裡近「真」情怯、心情跌宕起伏的微妙變化。論文的一、二章是緒論與研究方法；第三章為研究之初我對於自己生命現況的懵懂迷茫；第四章敘寫在原生家庭的親子關係、現在家庭當中的婆媳關係、夫妻關係及母子關係的釐清及發現；第五章承接第四章述說在以上四種關係當中，我的領悟、轉化、踐行與蛻變；第六章則包括統整研究歷程中的感悟、兩位摯友閱讀我的論文後的回饋與個人書寫論文過程中的總結。在研究的過程中，我不再陷入過去的情緒漩渦，而能理性處理各種關係中的挑戰並賦予自己新的形象——自信優雅且堅定有力量的女兒、媳婦、妻子與母親。文本的書寫梳理了生命故事的脈絡，生命故事的分享見證了「自我敘說」動人的召喚力，生命之間的相互激盪豐足了我過去貧瘠的心靈，苦雨中我不再踽踽獨行。

關鍵字

教養態度；婆媳關係；夫妻關係；自我敘說

並列摘要

This is a research of the process of a woman's self-awareness and self-transformation through the exploration of self-narration. The researcher has experienced various family role changes in the natal family and the family of procreation, and experienced various impacts and difficulties in various relationships. Through the writing of essays, I re-excavated, reflected and reinterpreted my life story and walked out of the new direction of life. This research uses a self-narrative way to write my personal life story, with family as the main axis, following the change of my own role, exploring my own life experience in four roles: as a daughter, as a daughter-in-law, as a wife, and as a mother. My love and hate, joy and sorrow in various relationships, as well as subtle changes in the close to "true" feelings, ups and downs of mood in my exploration. The first and second chapters of the thesis are the introduction and research methods; Chapter 3 is the ignorance and confusion of my life at the beginning of the research; Chapter 4 describes the clarification and discovery of the parent-child relationship in the original family, the mother-in-law relationship, the relationship between husband and wife and the mother-child relationship in the current family; Chapter 5 is followed by Chapter 4, which describes my understanding, transformation, practice, and metamorphosis in the above four relationships. Chapter 6 includes the understandings of the overall research process, the feedback of two close friends after reading my paper, and personal summary of the process of writing the thesis. In the process of research, I no longer fall into the emotional vortex of the past, but can rationally deal with the challenges in various relationships and give myself a new image-confident, elegant, firm and powerful daughter, daughter-in-law, wife and mother. The writing of the text has sorted out the context of my life story. The sharing of life stories has witnessed the appealing power of "self-narrative". The mutual excitement between lives has enriched my poor soul in the past, and I no longer walk alone in the bitter rain.