大肉身-身體感知的表現性

繪畫，是一種情感、思緒、欲望等等的表現衝動與出口。不論喜、憂，當一切藉由繪畫被表現出來的時候，都是愉快的。這是我選擇繪畫來創作的原因，同時在藝術形式豐富的當代，僅僅就繪畫來講就有諸多形式。使人思索繪畫的本位及未來。但至少可以肯定的是，在心靈之間作為情感的表現、傳遞這方面來說，繪畫的表現力還是傑出的－由心到手直接的自然流露。對我來說這種流露有時會有所蓄積，轉為頃泄的出口意像，由涓涓細流，成為山洪暴發。顯然繪畫對我是心理的、個人的，是獨白。因此，對可見的外在世界有一種漠不關心。造成一種現象－不描繪外界對象物來作為創作參考。曾經如此形容那種心境：「作畫的當下，不管外界，只看著自己內心，營造了意識的全黑空間，將外界的紛擾光火一一吹熄，心中的精怪將化為形象傾巢而出。」既然如此，作品將如何與他人交流、相契合、被理解？想必，交會的地方一定不是在看的見的地方、不是在外在世界、不是在器物的世間，而在內心共同的經驗所在之處。不看東西畫圖、沒有描畫對象物、隔絕外在的雜訊，才能安靜傾聽來自深處的幽微迴音，這種即時的靈感較能反射出當下的自我，有種對自我的省思與認識的意味。這種利用圖像呈現自己內在聲音的機制，頗像心理分析、潛意識的探索。他人得攀爬畫中的圖像線索找到意識的原鄉。除此之外，連我自己也感到意外的是，大肉身系列具有其「身體性」。以下以關鍵字解釋此身體性以及其對應心理狀態。「站在畫布前凝視畫布」：我作畫的習慣是站在畫布前凝視畫布，感受它與我身體之間的對應感。「撞擊」：畫布是立在地上，站在畫布前凝視及作畫，當畫布大小與身體大小相當時，畫布剛好把身體包圍，那是一種衝撞的感知，也與身體有關的。當畫布夠大就能產生，如果比身體大的畫布產生的場域性感受叫「籠罩」的話，那跟身體一樣大的場域性就叫做「撞擊」了。「撞擊」是當此場域性的大小與身體相當時發生(在大肉身中為180公分正方的畫布)，不像將你投入巨大的空間，而是像面對一個人、面對與你相當的對象。如此一來，這個具有身體感的感知就有機會演變成一種心理投射，將自身投射到畫布上。我稱之為「自我身體的投射」。｢撞擊｣是一種意識、感受，與身體感有關的感受。當現實中的身體站在畫布前所引發，是身體與畫布的一種獨特關係，不是指真的拿身體去撞畫布，事實上身體只是站在等身大的畫布前凝視而已，光是凝視就能引發畫布撲襲而來的感覺，它反射注意力到自己的身上，成為身體的自我覺察，即意識到自己肉身的存在，就像是畫布撞擊到身體一般，因此稱之為「撞擊」。「自我身體的投射」：在｢撞擊｣基礎上，喚起對身體的感知，易於使自身投射在畫布裡，造成身體在畫布裡的意象。｢撞擊｣像照鏡子似的先使畫布鑲印到身體上，再把身體投射到畫中，在畫面上就形成了｢虛擬身體｣。｢虛擬身體｣好比鏡中的鏡像，｢撞擊｣好比鏡子的顯像功能，「自我身體的投射」好比這之間光線的折射。「自我身體的投射」與「撞擊」是密切不易切割，撞擊的同時其實也就投射了，就像光線與顯像的同步。除了身體感的投射之外，繪畫對我是情感表現的媒介，情感當然也反映在裡頭。作為顏料依附處的二維畫布空間，把身體及精神一並體現而出，畫布成為身心場域、身心的溜冰場。「虛擬身體」：，經由「自我身體的投射」，型成畫面中央那個身體般大的形體如遊魂般不斷出現於作品中，通常以樹或人的造型呈現。「解放、開闊、狂喜」：在「自我身體的投射」與「虛擬身體」後，將引發出一種想突破侷限的感覺。因為當我覺察到自己身體的同時，也發現一個獨立感、狹隘感。我是個個體，它和外在世界的一切是切割、斷裂的。我所能感的身體只有這副支撐起自己生命的肉身。我可以想像我身體的輪廓，它看起來是那麼單獨且侷限。另一方面，我所能感的意識只有自己的意識。因此在大面積畫布上作畫時，身體以運動的方式放入動態的筆觸，身體運動的同時，畫中由身體所投射出的「虛擬身體」，也一並擴張到畫布的其他地方。這些動態筆觸、造型，像作品十二《高速旋轉釋放阿法射線》(P.91)，心間放射出的線條，就是在畫面上的「解放、開闊、狂喜」。另外，對繪畫原本只想表現情感的我，這令我意外、非計畫中，沒有覺察到這精神上想闊張的衝動，因為他出自本能的欲求。它從何來？這裡試著自我解讀看看。過去曾經有種孤獨感非常強烈，也許就是那份感受導致了自己想要變成無限大。我稱其為「意識監獄」，曾經寫下那種孤獨：「我只能用自己的意識去意識，只能用自己的視覺看，用自己的耳朵聽就算我能跟人講話、溝通。我也無法用他的意識來意識，我永遠只能活在自己的腦袋裡，我只能用自己的腦袋感受思考，就算我能意識到全宇宙能看到整個世界，但那也是用我的、我的眼、我的意識、我的腦袋，這永遠跟別人無關。我只住在自己的腦袋裡永遠不能用別人的眼睛看，用別人的意識去意識世界，用別人的腦袋想。我感到一股凌駕一切的強大孤獨感，最大最終極最絕對的孤獨，無解的、無救的孤獨。雖然宇宙若大我卻永遠被關在只有彈丸大的腦袋中，彷彿意識的監獄－而肉身不也一樣！」故本論述以此命名為「大肉身」。「運動、揮毫」：肉身一樣被困住了－「肉身監獄」。也許大肉身正是想擺脫此狹小的肉身所進行的解放，此「肉身監獄」最好的解釋範本就是植物人。可以看看新表現主義畫家朱麗安(Julian Schnabel，1951－)所執導的電影《潛水鐘與蝴蝶》，他以第一人稱視點鏡頭來表現一個植物人是如何被困在身體裡如同穿著潛水鐘，囚犯被關在牢籠限制身體的活動範圍因而感到侷限。沒有比身體更為狹小的牢籠，身體有侷限感是因為不能動，因此運動其實代表物理空間中身體與世界的聯繫，運動是身體達到自由與延展的方法，當身體不能運動時就會發現「身體即是牢籠」此一現實。運動範圍越廣身體越能甩開侷限與孤獨，因為身體先天上就有著註定不自由的缺陷－身體不等於全宇宙。但還好它有到達全宇宙每一角落的可能性－運動。當運動被剝奪就是剝奪此一可能性，因此先天的孤獨便如同天生的遺傳性疾病，一但停止藥物抑制就會發病。大肉身藉由大畫面上的繪畫性筆觸的揮灑運動來排解其侷限性、身體上的孤立感。而畫布為正方形，是因運動狀態的人體其伸展極限是張開雙臂，恰好一般人雙臂總寬度與身高幾乎等長也是呈現正方形，正方形畫布也有更多空間運動、揮灑，也利於觀者融入畫面，同時象徵運動態的人體。電影中的植物人只好轉由意識的想像力翱翔來作精神旅行，就是片名中「蝴蝶」的象徵意義，為了擺脫了「肉身監獄」依靠意識。但以「大肉身」的角度看還是擺脫不了「意識監獄」－永遠只能用自己的意識旅行。「筆觸竄動」：「解放、開闊、狂喜」的內心狀態藉著身體的「運動、揮毫」，在畫面上呈現了放射、爆炸、流動的繪畫性筆觸，並經常富有色彩。很有趣的，後來發現自己某些作品將｢虛擬身體｣與｢筆觸竄動｣分別呈現了出來 (圖1) 。這兩者是以圖像角度切入的，尤其｢筆觸竄動｣可以常見兩種具有擴張性的知覺圖像－由心間擴張放射稱為「掏心」，由頭頂上升抽離稱為「人體火山」。對照<大肉身的身體性關鍵字表列>，以過程先後順序將以上關鍵字串連起來解釋。大致為前期｢投射｣與後期｢解放｣兩階段，但不是絕對，過程中時常會穿插或同時進行。所以這裡的先後是指創作的心理運作邏輯、因果，前者為後者基礎。投射階段(先)：站在畫前面，姿勢上，觀者要站著畫也是立在地上，如此才能使畫與人同高。經由凝視一張尺幅與身體近似的畫布，以勾引出觀者一種獨特身體自覺，即自身與畫布相當。而產生一種張力、呼應感、並存感，稱之為｢撞擊｣，身體與畫布的｢撞擊｣是大肉身所具有的特殊身體性的來源。｢撞擊｣是一種含有身體感的意識、感受，當現實中的身體遇到畫布所引發，是身體與畫布的一種獨特關係，大肉身是建立在這種身體性之上以此為震央向四周輻射，形成其他後續。｢投射｣階段以｢撞擊｣為基礎，｢凝視｣畫布時在意識上產生｢自我身體的投射｣投射到畫布。投射形成畫中｢虛擬身體｣，是處於靜態的身體。在投射階段，有｢自我身體的投射｣、｢虛擬身體｣、｢站在畫布前凝視畫布｣，三者為發生於不同層面的關鍵字。畫上可見之「虛擬身體」活像是意識上不可見之「自我身體的投射」的視覺化。解放階段(後)：以｢撞擊｣為基礎，創造了虛擬身體之後，將對畫面上的｢虛擬身體｣塑造｢筆觸竄動｣意象。在此同時，意識、精神層面也感到｢解放、開闊、狂喜｣。身體必須以運動性的大筆觸揮灑。在解放階段，有不同層面的｢筆觸竄動｣、｢解放、開闊、狂喜｣、｢運動、揮毫」的。假設畫布是一面鏡子，當身體在畫布前「運動、揮毫」時，「撞擊」就像鏡射功能，「筆觸竄動」就像鏡中的影像。畫上可見之「筆觸竄動」活像是意識上不可見之「解放、開闊、狂喜」的視覺化。

關鍵字

站在畫布前凝視畫布；撞擊；自我身體的投射；虛擬身體；解放、開闊、狂喜；運動、揮毫；筆觸竄動

並列摘要

Summary For me, painting is an impulse or outlet for performing emotion, meditation, and desire. Both happiness and worry are presented by painting in a joyful way. It is the reason why I create by painting and painting is also good at presenting. Habitually, the strategy of the outlet is not like a trickling stream, but the accumulated explosion and torrent. Obviously, painting is individual and mental for me, related to my individual bitterness and happiness. It is my monologue. Therefore, I create impromptu without referring to any objects, leaving and ignoring the visible world. “Care nothing about the external world when painting. Just look at my own mind and create the dark space of consciousness. Extinguish all the disturbing fire outside. The fairies in my mind fly out as images.” How will works communicate, match, and be realized by others this way? Of course, the interaction does not happen in visible places, in the external world, or in the material world. It happens in the common mental experiences. One can hear the dim melody in the depth of the spirit quietly only when he draws without looking at anything, draws nothing, and excludes the external turmoil. The instantaneous inspiration reflects the self at the moment, making the painter introspect and recognize himself. The mechanism which represents the inner voice by images sounds like the strategy for understanding unconsciousness in psychoanalysis. For example, by children’s painting or artistic treatment, others may find the traces of unconsciousness based on the images in the painting. “More than body” series expresses strong bodily implications. Something happens to the body and to the spirit phase by phase. Determined by the process, it is divided into two phases, the former “Projection” and the later “liberation.” This is not an absolute division. Both phases happen alternately or simultaneously. The temporal difference indicates the logic, cause and effect of the mental operation in creation. In the former phase: standing before the canvas, the painter must stand and draw so that he can be as tall as the painting. By gazing the canvas as tall as oneself, a specific bodily consciousness of the painter is aroused. He perceives that his being and the canvas generate a tension, correspondence, and coexistence. I call it as a “Hit,” a “Hit” between my body and the canvas. It is the source of the specific bodily implication owned by the “More than body”. “Hit” happens in the whole creation process and gives birth to the “More than body” series. It is the basis of the “More than body”. The “More than body” is build upon the bodily implication. In the “Projection” phase, “Hit” is the basis. Consciously, the body generates the “projection of my own body” to the canvas and presents the virtual body in the painting at the same time. The body is static, feeling the projection by “gazing.” The painting method is called as “Projection” here. The later phase: after the basis, “Hit,” creates the virtual body, the “virtual body” in the painting generates the image of “the scurry of the style of drawing.” At the same time, consciousness and spirit also feel the “liberation and transcendence.” The body must draw the painting dynamically. The painting method is called as “liberation” here. The “projection of one’s own body,” “virtual body,” and “gaze” happen simultaneously in the former Projection phase; the scurry of the style of drawing., spiritual liberation, and drawing happen simultaneously in the later “liberation” phase. “Virtual body”: in the “More than body”series, the figure as big as a human body in the center of the painting which appears again and again is like a ghost. Sometimes it is a tree, sometimes a person. “the scurry of the style of drawing.”: the dynamic shape and drawing style of emanation and explosion presented in “virtual body.” “Projection of one’s own body”: the canvas is about 180 cm². The human size and the square shape are for arouse the consciousness of bodily images. Bigger canvases can’t make it. A dynamic human body is like a square (when arms are stretched). It is convenient for me to draw and for the watcher to get merged into the painting. In the creation process, the canvas is standing. When I am standing in front of it, my body is included inside it and “Hit” happens. In this way, my body seems to be in the canvas. It arouses the image of my body in the canvas, projecting my body like a mirror. My body gets into the painting and forms the “virtual body” in it. The two-dimensional canvas where the pigments stay represents both body and spirit simultaneously and transcends them in the space of body and spirit. “Liberation , Joyfuland and Ecstasty”: when I notice my own body and find it is obviously an individual being, I feel it is cut off from other objects in the external world. The body I feel is just the soma supporting my life. The mind I perceive is just my own consciousness. These result from my own body and mind. Through visual meditation, I imagine the figure of my body. It looks so lonely and limited. Because of the limited body, the impulse for liberation and transcendence is aroused. When painting the big-size canvas, the body is moving and having dynamic drawing style. When the body is moving, the “virtual body” (tree or human figure) projected by the body into the painting is also expanded to the outside of the body. These dynamic drawing style and figure look as if the work “spins at high speed and projects alpha rays.” The rays projected from the spirit are the “the scurry of the style of drawing” in the painting. There was strong solitude which caused the desire to seek after the infinite expansion of spiritual liberation. The solitude is a feeling that: “I perceive my own consciousness and see my vision only. Even if I talk to others, I can’t perceive his consciousness. The only thing I can do is just guess. I meditate only with my own brain. Even if I can perceive the whole universe and see the whole world, I use my own eye and consciousness only, never correlating to any of others. It is never possible to see with others’ eye, to perceive the world with others’ consciousness, or to meditate with others’ brain. I feel certain almighty solitude, the biggest, extreme, and absolute solitude. It is an incurable poison and disease. Nobody can remedy it. One is imprisoned in the individual jail of consciousness even he exists in the universe. Isn’t the human body in the same situation?” The “virtual body” and “the scurry of the style of drawing” visible in the painting look like the direct evidences proving the existence of the invisible “projection of one’s own body” and “Liberation , Joyfuland and Ecstasty” in consciousness. It is the best explanation for the “virtual body” and “the scurry of the style of drawing” visible in the painting. “Gazing in from of the canvas” and “moving and drawing”: both of them are the postures presented by the relationship between the body and the canvas.

並列關鍵字

Gaze at the canvas in front of it ； Hit ； Projection of one’s own body ； Suppositional body ； Liberation ,Wide and Ecstasty ； Move and draw ； the scurry of the style of drawing