辯、辨、變—個體化歷程之敘說探究

From Verification through Identification to Transformation: Narrative Inquiry for the Processes of Individuation

王慧芳(Hwei-Phon Won)

指導教授 ： 蔡秀玲 ； 黃君瑜

中原大學/理學院/心理學研究所/碩士(2009年)

https://doi.org/10.6840/cycu200900782

摘要

本研究為敘說探究之研究，由於在我的生活當中，人我關係的困境一再重複不斷的上演，促使我透過生命故事敘說，勾畫出舊有因應方式表象下所潛藏早期生命腳本的影響，透過辯、辨、變，催化自我之轉換與改變。
過往在承受重男輕女的教養中，一直處於不願屈服的抗拒中，進而對母親產生複雜的矛盾情緒，原以為自己在接受一連串的心理專業訓練後，就可以跳脫舊有框架的影響，但在自己生了小孩亦成為母親的同時，從我與孩子相處互動的關係中，看到自己承襲於母親重男輕女的傳統觀念依舊存在，背負抗拒、憤恨及自怨自艾過了四十年的我，卻在母職的角色上與媽媽再度相遇，同時也發現早期生命腳本的影響，就是造成現在人我關係困境的主因。經由自我書寫的理解、解構、位移及再重構歷程，我重新理解母親在社會文化箝制及壓迫下的痛苦，也看見重男輕女的概念，如何內化到自身中繼續傳遞的事實，進而跳脫對母職角色刻板的限制，回到人與人的本質上互動，以更寬廣的視角去面對、理解及接納舊有的創傷，轉化成滋養自己的能量。自我敘說的過程使原本處於共生模糊的我，漸漸清晰，逐步統整內在好壞客體，形成穩定的客體及自我形象，進而區分你我的不同，不僅擁有獨立自主的我，又能和他人建立親密關係，達到個體化的成熟狀態。

關鍵字

母女關係 ； 個體化 ； 自我敘說 ； 生命故事

並列摘要

This research is a narrative inquiry. I have been sticking in a dilemma of interpersonal relationship throughout my life, which inspires me to start this research. I narrated my life story to find out the undiscovered influence left behind. Through self-narrative analysis, I undergo the processes of verification, identification and transformation, and these lead to my self-transformation and self-change.

My mother regarded men as superior to women and I grew up with resistance to this kind of upbringing and controversy for my mother’s care. I thought I could get rid of the influence of my mother’s upbringing when I finished my professional training in psychology. However, I saw the shadow from my mother’s upbringing still cover on me when I bring up my children. Bearing the pain of resistance, resentment and complaint about myself for 40 years, I start to interact with my mother after becoming a mother. I find that the symbiosis with mother is the cause of my dilemma of interpersonal relationship. Through narrating my story, I experienced the processes of understanding, deconstructing, transcending and reconstructing. I comprehend the pain that my mother has suffered under social pressure and find how the concept of placing men before woman was internalized and transmitted to me. Escaping from the stereotype of motherhood, I move into the nature of individual’s interaction. The process of facing the trauma becomes the power to change myself. Through self-narration, I become more mature. The good and bad objects are integrated. Also I can build an intimate relationship without lost my independent personality.

並列關鍵字

self narrative ； individuation ； mother-daughter relationship ； life story

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