- 學位論文
監．遇~我在女子戒治所的自我探索之路
Meeting Myself： Exploring Myself in Women’s Drug Abuser Treatment Center
摘要
早年喪父，對經濟問題向來有高度不安全感，我找到一個好途徑―捧鐵飯碗，於是步入國家考試的門檻裡混口飯吃。 進到監所當社工員以後，接觸監所的人、事、物，才開始遇見我所不認識的自己。錦的生命影響我的生命劇烈地動搖，她的死敲醒了我，動搖了我以為的社會工作專業，還有我以為的自己。「我是不是一個好worker？」把我捆綁住，開始思索：我真的瞭解自己嗎？我以為的專業，它從哪兒來？又要往哪兒去？對一個吸毒者的生命而言，除了用戒毒這個標準衡量她以外，人與人之間的關係呢？我是社工專業，可是"她"才是熟知自身的專家啊！我開始破繭，想褪去那層"專業"的殼，那層曾經是保護，如今卻是一道阻隔的殼。 習於在困頓時書寫，我透過文本來來回回的與他者展開對話，豐富了故事情節與生命的意義。採取自我敘說的方式，建構一個我所理解的世界，透過我在女子戒治所的主觀經驗整理，回觀自身成長經驗、書寫自療，挪往一個自在的位置。 我依照自己的主觀感受與客觀的戒治脈絡走向分成四期，91年初到任的摸索期（第四章）、92年~93年初毒品危害防制條例修正後實行的成長期（第五章）、93年~96年在調動與被調動間離散的擺盪期（第六章）、96年底至今則是想活過來的死公務員期（第七章），這四期中有些是戒治大環境的變動，有事件的發生，有些是為了區辨我感覺到的變化在裡頭。不同的時期，有我詮釋的監所體制、有我建構的戒治脈絡、有我體認的社工價值，也有我的辨識自身的位置，從這幾個方向來呈現我在女子戒治所的生成。
並列摘要
Because of my father’s early death, I have always been highly insecure to economic issue. Therefore, I decided to attend the national examination and entered the civil service employee system, which provides me with a stable job. Serving as a social worker in Women’s Drug Abuser Treatment Center, I have been working with different people and dealing with different business. I begin to meet one part of me that has never been recognized by me. I was deeply shocked by Chin’s death which was a big blow to my profession and me. “Am I a good social worker?” The question kept bothering me, forcing me to ponder “Did I really understand myself?” “Where did the self-righteous profession come from and where it will go?” Judging a drug addict with the criterion of abstinence is not enough, what is the relation among people? Social work is my profession, but “she” knows herself the most. The cocoon began to break. I wanted to peel through the professional shell which was once a protector but an obstructer now. By writing in distressed circumstances, by sharing texts with others back and forth it enriches the plot of my story and the meaning of my life. Self-narrating is adopted by me to construct a world that I am able to understand. Via examining my working experience in Women’s Drug Abuser Treatment Center and reflecting my growing up experience, healing myself by writing, I am moving toward a carefree direction. My working experience in Women’s Drug Abuser Treatment Center is divided into four periods: the exploration period which I began to work as a social worker in 2002 (chapter 4), the mature period from 2003 to 2004 after the modified Statute for Narcotics Hazard Control had been announced (chapter 5), a turbulent period of personnel transfer and been transferred during 2004 to 2007 (chapter 6), and the period of a spiritless civil service employee coming alive since the end of the last phase in 2007 (chapter 7). During the four periods, the Drug Abuser Treatment Center has changed its atmosphere, some significant events happened, and some changing that I can feel it. There are my explanations of Drug Abuser Treatment Center’s system and her context, the value of social work, my recognition of my position. There is also my personal growth in Women’s Drug Abuser Treatment Center. By creating a circumstance and a space, voices from different people at different positions can be heard and understood. I continue talking with discontented consciousness under the peacefully regulatory behavior. While trying to settle myself down in a chaotic situation, my ambitions and practical actions will be kept on reflecting. Breaking the linkage of self experience and seeing the dark side of oneself are the turning point for me to become more mature.