- 學位論文
與腦共舞譜出幸福—自我生命敘說
Realizing Happiness with the Brain - Self-narrating of Life
若您是本文的作者，可授權文章由華藝線上圖書館中協助推廣。
摘要
本論文試圖透過自我敘說探究生命的本質與死亡之間的辯證。生命如迷霧般的捉摸不定令人迷網，卻又有它奇妙與神聖可貴之處；死亡是那樣地讓人害怕恐懼，但神聖的生命降臨令人無所懼。 筆者在人生顛峰三十歲時歷經了一場腦出血，這場疾病以及後續意外懷孕如同在一灘死水中注入新意開展出一連串特別的人生。在面臨自身疾病時，除了感受到家人的愛，但也讓人體化現代醫療體系對於疾病的某種壓迫性與無奈，它形成一種社會文化的壓迫，像是穿在身上的社會符號想擺脫卻擺脫不掉，疾病甚至影響到家庭關係造成緊張衝突。我們如此地與疾病之間來來回回地糾纏，其中伴隨對於死亡的恐懼威脅如影隨形，一切那樣地糾結扭捏，但在意外懷孕那刻起殺出重圍，更引領一場生命與死亡之間經歷來回穿梭辯證之旅。 懷孕中經歷種種酸甜苦辣、交織家庭與工作的追趕跑跳碰，歷經成為「母親」角色的一種淬鍊過程。在懷孕、生產、產後仍持續受到自身病痛所帶來的威脅，狠狠地宣告腦病灶依然存在，與醫師間的疾病對話再次讓人經歷面對疾病的恐懼與挫折，續加上照顧新生兒從起初面臨生命的喜悅至接踵而來的照顧及生活壓力，以及配偶對疾病對峙作為逐漸變成一種無形壓迫；治病與否的矛盾擔心以及身體不適、岌岌可危的家庭關係總暗暗侵襲自身身體、消蝕心靈，而周遭死亡的氣息仍在身邊隱隱圍繞。 一連串的糾結扭捏，筆者漸回觀自己所面臨的處境、鬆動自己的視框、挪動身軀，在變與不變中游移，並透過與家人、老師交談對話漸漸邁往向陽之路。最後筆者寫了封信給自己親愛的孩子，娓娓道來自己人生的一些點滴，以及此階段中孩子所呈現的樣態，並告訴孩子為母之內心話，雖然媽媽終究會離開但請記得媽媽永遠愛孩子。 寫到最後，筆者感受到即使面臨生死的無常，我們仍繼續經歷各種人生樣態、繼續撐出個活，我們看到自己人生生命的意義，感受神聖新生命降臨的可貴，找到賦予一個新生命做為自身生命延續的重要意義。 關鍵字：生命敘說、疾病、家庭關係、死亡
並列摘要
This thesis attempts to explore the essence of life and the dialectical relationships with death by self-narrating. Life is like the fog, elusive and full of confusions while with wonders and holiness; people are such fearful of death while the coming of the divine life is encouraging undaunted. I suffered from cerebral hemorrhage in my golden thirties and later being in pregnancy was just like injecting the adrenaline into life, making it special and vibrant. When confronting with diseases, apart from feeling the love and care from my loved families, I also perceived the pressure and helpless when realizing that the modern medical treatment had to succumbed to the diseases which finally formed a social and cultural oppression, seeming like a social sign and hard to get rid of. The diseases even played a negative part in family relationships and caused conflicts. I fought back and forth with diseases, along with fear of death and its threat, intertwining. All of the discomforts disappeared when I went through accidental pregnancy which even led to the several round trips between life and death. The joys and sorrows during gestation with the sweets and bitters of family and work intertwined, all of these feelings finally led to being a “mother”. I was under the threat of diseases before, at and after the pregnancy and the doctor brutally announced that the focus of inflection was still there. The conversations with the doctor brought me fear, frustration and the successive burden of taking care of the new-born and my supportive husband became tiring and helpless as well. The concern about the conflict arising from whether to continue the treatment, discomfort as well as the precarious domestic relationships subtly ate away the healthy flesh and spirit. The shroud of death surrounded. After several days of depression and sorrow, I gradually looked back the conditions, broadened my vision and moved on. I was shifting between the changes and unchanges and marched forwards the promising path out of depression after communicating with families and my tutors. In the end, I wrote a letter to my loved kid, clearly and understandably explained the moments of my life and the present state of the child as well as my insights world - I will finally fade out, however the love is everlasting. Finally, we should keep going and find out the meaning of life even though we may suffer from the impermanence and go through various aspects of life. Experience the valuable feelings when the new one comes and seek out significance as a life extension of your own life. Key words: The life narrates, disease, family relationship, the death
參考文獻
瞿海源等主編(2012)。社會及行為科學研究法（二）質性研究法。台北市‧東華
楊照(譯)2013。老人與海：無法打敗的精神力量(原作者：Ernest Miller Hemingway海明威)台北市：麥田。
程巍(譯)2012。疾病的隱喻(原作者: Susan Sontag蘇珊桑塔格)台北市:麥田
吳羚禎(2012)。晒晒我的不完美—從敘事中重構自我。國立臺北大學社會工作學系碩士論文
陳俊吉(2012)。人在冏途－一位資深研究生的敘說之旅。國立臺北大學社會工作學系碩士論文