從生命書寫，展開一趟自我探索之旅

「若非說故事的人，文明會自我毀滅。」-艾伯特．卡繆故事，是人類在不同時代中，利用圖像、聲音、語言、文字、影像來傳遞生活經驗與紀錄生命軌跡的火苗，經由傳承才能讓火燄在時間之流，為人們帶來光明的希望與力量。憶兒時，於閱讀白雪公主的童話故事，對於故事中女主角因為遇到白馬王子，從此過著幸福快樂的故事情節，就會充滿著浪漫的幻想與憧憬。直到我未滿22歲那年，披上原以為從此就可以過著幸福、快樂的白紗，走入婚姻的城堡後，才發現原來童話故事的結尾，才是夫妻生活考驗的開始。究竟是童話故事描寫得太簡短，亦或是當時的我太天真？如果可以搭上哆啦A夢的時光機回到過去，對於故事的闡述是否可以有不同角度的理解？在兩性關係中是否不會再迷失自我？當人生走過不惑之年，內心依舊忐忑不安；於是，在邁向「知天命之齡」，愛子心切的願力，激發我重返校園的動力。經過生命教育不同課程的洗禮，讓我學習從多元的視角與思維去重新閱讀過往的自己；也因為寫論文的因緣，讓我決定搭上時光機，藉著從自由書寫的旅程中，梳理自己今生在感情課題上的糾結，並試著重新找回失落已久的本來面目。一個人的旅行是孤單的，但也唯有透過一個人的旅行才能遇見真正的自己。旅程中可能會遇到憤怒、悲傷、恐懼、抱怨、無奈、委屈、孤單、寂寞…的內在小孩；但這次我想好好去傾聽、去理解並擁抱她，讓那個委屈已久的內在小小孩，可以重拾自信，肯定自己、接納自己、找到自己。

關鍵字

自由書寫；生命故事；自我探索

並列摘要

“Were it not for the storyteller, civilization would destroy itself.” - Albert Camus Stories are the flames that humans use images, sounds, languages, words, and images to convey life experience and record life trajectories in different eras. Only through inheritance can the flames flow in time and bring people bright hope and power. When I was a child, I was reading Snow White’s fairy tale. Since the heroine in the story met Prince Charming and lived a happy storyline, she would be full of romantic fantasy and longing. It was not until I was under 22 years old that I put on the white wedding gown I thought I could live happily ever after and walked into the castle of marriage. Yet, I discovered that it was the end of the original fairy tale turning into the beginning of the life test for the couple. Was it because the fairy tale was too brief, or was I too naive at that time? If I can take the time machine of Doraemon and go back in time, could I understand the story from different angles? Will I no longer lose myself in the relationship between the sexes? When my life passed through the years of no confusion, my heart was still uneasy; therefore, as I was moving toward the "age of knowing the destiny", the eager willingness of my beloved son inspired me to return to school. After the baptism of different courses of life education, I learned to re-read my past self in multiple perspectives and thinking. Also, because of the fate of writing the paper, I decided to take the time machine and sort out myself from the journey of free writing. In this life, I am struggling with emotional issues, and trying to regain the original face I have lost for a long time. A person's travel is lonely, but only through a person's travel can I meet my true self. During the journey, I may encounter an inner child with anger, sadness, fear, complaining, helplessness, grievance, loneliness, being isolated, etc. But, this is the time I want to listen to, understand and embrace myself so that the inner child who has been wronged for a long time, then I can regain self-confidence, and affirm myself , accept myself, and find myself.