於幽微邊境上巡禮--建構自我療癒之道

Crossing the border with flowing mist─conduct the pathway to self-healing

張義平(YI-Ping Chang)

指導教授 ： 李佩怡

國立臺灣師範大學/教育學院/教育心理與輔導學系/碩士(2011年)

摘要

在我的生命歷程裡，個人內在、個人與他者、個人與社會的衝突接連不斷，內外衝突造成生命中的斷裂與傷痛，使我不斷產生自我懷疑與困惑，我不知道自己是誰，也看不清楚世界真實的樣貌，經過種種追尋及探索，外在解答皆無法貼近我的生命，於是我決定回到自己身上找尋出路的解答。
本研究以個人生命經驗為焦點，透過自我敘說，嘗試回答我對生命的困惑，在這當中研究焦點數度轉變，從剛開始單純想替自己發聲，轉而發現自己對家的渴望，於是追溯起心理離家的開端，進而找尋返家之路，其後發現我更渴望瞭解如何面對生命中的各式衝突，而在找尋到以愛消融對立的關鍵要素之後，我才發現原來自己最渴望的是理解己身，通達他人。
在研究方法上，我先浸泡在生命經驗中，並將經驗化為文字，接著反覆閱讀與省思，透過詮釋循環、脈絡性理解與互為主體性的理解，我解構並重構經驗的意義，產生對過往經驗的新理解，並重新理解他者的生命經驗。透過此一反覆循環的研究歷程，我發現人我之間因為成長歷程的脈絡差異而產生衝突，卻能因看見彼此本質上的相似而產生連結及和解，當彼此能回到本質之愛的流動裡，便有可能嘗試相互理解與對話，使原本因脈絡差異而產生的衝突，能夠同時被擺放於共存的基底上，使彼此皆能安在。
然而我也發現能使彼此安在的並非衝突的消解，而在於是否能深刻地產生人我之間的理解，而這才是愛的樣貌，愛需要具有「溫柔的魄力」，於是可以涵容，亦能有所堅持，當我能夠培養出在衝突中仍保持柔軟敞開的心胸，卻也能堅守個人脈絡之下的抉擇時，才能產生與現實碰撞的能力。
本研究結合了經驗書寫、研究反思與社會實踐三者，透過不同位置的「我」相互激盪，碰撞出多元的眼光，使研究過程中得到的理解隨著生命開展持續變化，故本研究之結論僅具暫時性，仍有可能持續變動，療癒的動能亦在此過程中，從幽微逐漸明晰。
最後，本研究雖旨在自我陳述透過解構與重構個人生命經驗之意義，從而理解自我與他人的歷程，卻亦嘗試透過呈現個人生命經驗，喚起觀者對其自身生命之省思，在這場自我對話的觀看與被觀看中，我與讀者交織出一種心理上的移動與對話，使療癒的動能得以持續傳遞與擴散震盪。

關鍵字

自我敘說 ； 自我療癒

並列摘要

In my lifetime, the incessant struggle and conflict between I and myself, between I and other people and between I and the world, interior and exterior, makes my life broken and makes me fall into self-doubt and confuse. Neither do I know “who I am”, nor “what the world really is”. I can’t find answers to response to my doubts by questing of the outside world. So, I decide to move the focus back onto myself.
This research purports to review my whole life. I try to respond my doubts with the methodology named “self-narrative”. The focus changed several times along with the research process. In the beginning, I just want to speak my thoughts out loudly, and then I find that my desire is to back “home”, so I track back to the inner path where I go away from home. Then I feel more eager to realize how to face the struggle in my life. Finally, when I find the key to reconcile struggle and conflict is love, I realize what I truly want is to understand myself, thus I can have the empathy toward others.
About the method, I immerse in my life experience, and transfer them into scripts, and then read and ruminate repeatedly. By the circle of mimesis, understanding in the context and intersubjective understanding, I deconstruct and restructure the meaning of life experience. It helps me to see the past story and others in a new vision. by repeating this research process, I come to the conclusion about reconcile conflict and struggle. People conflict with others because of the difference in their context of growing up. However, if we can see the core of human being within each other, there will be conversation intersubjectively between each other. Then everyone is living more easily in the world.
However, I think the key of living easily is not reconciliation, but deeply intersubjective understanding between each other. Furthermore, what the really meaning of love is not only contain everything, but also persist belief and boundary. When I am able to face the conflict with soft mind, while still persist with my belief and boundary as well, I am more close to the reality and feel stronger.
There’s a combination of writing within experience, research ruminating, and practicing in this research. By agitating between “me” in the different position, I open the possibility of broad version. It makes the understanding of research continuously change with my life. So the conclusion is temporarily, and the behind agency of healing is emerging from the process.
Finally, though the purpose of this research is to report the process of understanding me and others by deconstructing and restructuring the meaning of my own experience. However, I try to arouse the reflection of readers by presenting my life by interweaving an internal crossing and conversation with readers. So the agency of healing will spread sustained.

Key words: self-narrative, self-healing

並列關鍵字

self-narrative ； self-healing

參考文獻

李佩怡（2009）：生命整合之道－榮格思想為二十一世紀人類提供的洞見（一）。諮商與輔導，288，31-34。

丁宜芬（2008）：返身尋傷之自我敘說。國立台北教育大學心理與諮商研究所碩士論文。

陸巧嵐（2010）：921･我･921～地震之創傷與失落經驗。國立台北教育大學心理與諮商研究所碩士論文。

張怡敏 （2004）：一個諮商師的親子關係經驗對其諮商專業影響之自我敘說研究。國立台灣師範大學教育心理與輔導研究所碩士論文。

林毓凡（2011）瘦，夠了！─一趟與身體和解的冒險旅程。國立台灣師範大學教育心理與輔導研究所碩士論文。