欲說還休，欲說還休：從辯證觀看華人成年初期的子女對父母的自我揭露

More Than I Can Say: Disclosure to Parents in Taiwanese-Chinese Early Adults-A Dialectical Perspective

蘇詠絮(Yung-Hsu Su) ； 張滿玲(Maa-Nling Chang) ； 鍾昆原(Kuen-Yung Jone)

《應用心理研究》 58期 (2013/06) Pp. 15-65

摘要

本研究是探討現今華人子女對父母自我揭露的情形。研究者訪談17位介於青少年晚期與成年前期的子女，以瞭解孩子在哪些事情上對父母的自我揭露有困難及掙扎，以及最終說出口的關鍵。研究發現，受訪者在「難以言喻的禁忌話題」、「難以啟口的成長挫折」、「難以訴說的深刻情感」與「不得不說的子女義務」等主題有對父母自我揭露的困難。他們的掙扎包括：（1）基於子女角色義務，不想說但不得不說；（2）角色規範限制情感表達，想說卻說不出口；（3）相依的牽掛，想說卻不能說；（4）獨立與依賴的掙扎，想說又不願說。最終向父母自我揭露的關鍵是：（1）基於義務，不得不說；（2）安心分享，無須懼怕；（3）情緒衝擊，脫口而出；（4）為求認同，勇敢現身；（5）長大成人，朋友相待。歸納起來，華人子女想對父母自我揭露時，大多是採取「隱而不說」和「沈默不表」，或是「迂迴逃避」和「陽奉陰違」。原因可分成三大類，一是不善或不慣表達；二是害怕或擔心父母的反應，例如，尷尬、碰避、或衝突；三是長大成人，為了「證明長大」或是想「安父母心」。華人子女在順從與自主的矛盾以及義務與親密的糾結下，經過依賴和獨立的相互辯證，發展出具華人特色的親子溝通方式。

關鍵字

自我揭露 ； 華人親子關係 ； 辯證

並列摘要

This study aimed to explore children's self-disclosure to parents in Chinese culture. 17 early adults were interviewed to collect data regarding difficult self-disclosure topics, struggles, and key factors that led to eventual disclosure. Qualitative data analysis indicated that among the difficult self-disclosure topics were ”societal taboos,” ”frustration during maturation,” ”heartfelt affection,” and ”issues that compelled disclosure, however reluctant the child.” Data showed that the common struggles early adults experience include: 1) struggles of obligation to disclose due to role as child, precipitated by fear of parents' intolerance and hostility; 2) struggles of inability to disclose due to nature of Chinese parent-child relationship norms, characterized by a conflict between deep affection and familial hierarchy power dynamics; 3) struggles to disclose for fear of parental concerns; and 4) struggles between dependence and autonomy, which include fears of being viewed as immature by parents. Key factors that led to eventual self-disclosure included: 1) obligation to inform; 2) feeling of security; 3) emotional outbursts; 4) seeking of autonomous identity, and 5) transformation of parent-child relationship into one more resembling friendship. In general, when Chinese children were compelled to self-disclose, the most common responses were to remain silent, feign compliance, speak indirectly, or to simply avoid the issue. The reasons for such responses were classified into three categories: Early adults were either 1) unused to or unable of self-expression; 2) afraid of their parents' reactions; or 3) demonstrating maturity by ”not worrying their parents.” As a whole, analyses showed that Chinese children develop a unique style of parent-child communication that results from ongoing dialectics between dependence and independence, from which inner conflicts of obedience and autonomy as well as responsibility and intimacy are constantly at work.

並列關鍵字

Chinese parent-child relationship ； dialectics ； self-disclosure

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