丈夫出櫃：異性戀妻子的婚姻經驗與因應策略

本研究訪談已婚男同志的異性戀配偶，探討她們的婚姻經驗與發現配偶是男同志或外遇男性之後的因應策略。台灣已婚男同志的學術研究大多聚焦在性別認同歷程、婚姻壓力、情慾的掙扎與流動、雙重衣櫃或是父職經驗；再者，綜觀台灣已婚或離婚女性的研究也鮮少探討異性戀妻子如何理解與處理丈夫出櫃事件。換句話說，本研究預期豐富已婚男同志的研究，並貢獻多元婚姻與家庭的研究。為了探究丈夫出櫃事件對個人、婚姻關係與家庭生活的影響，深探異性戀妻子當時如何理解與處理丈夫出櫃事件，特別關注她如何解釋婚姻經驗，如何解釋她的反應與行動，以及現在她又如何理解與看待丈夫出櫃事件，本研究採用敘說探究方法，訪談三位異性戀妻子──燕如、淑娟與曉慧（皆化名）。本研究發現如下：（一）丈夫出櫃是家庭事件，妻子不僅面對內心的傷痛，也處理夫妻間的性生活、如何告知子女、擔心子女的性別認同、離婚等議題，展現女性成長的復原力，但是由於對同志認識的不足，部份解決方式呈現對同志的誤解與刻板印象。（二）丈夫出櫃事件的確影響婚姻品質，然而讓妻子受到傷害，或導致離婚的原因通常是丈夫的行為──外遇男性、持續說謊與欺騙或發生暴力事件等，而不是他的性傾向。（三）她們不習慣求助社會組織或團體，傾向獨自處理丈夫出櫃事件，或者向朋友、宗教或諮商人士透露心事，尋求情感支持與心靈上的慰藉，因為說故事本身也是一種因應方式，甚至具有自我療育的效果。最後，本研究期待她們可以支持其他類似婚姻經驗的妻子，甚至成為未來同志人權運動不可或缺的生力軍。文末提供相關意見予同志團體參酌，並進行研究反思。

關鍵字

多元婚姻；已婚男同志；異性戀妻子；出櫃

並列摘要

This study interviews with three heterosexual wives of married gay and explores their marital experiences and coping strategies after their husbands come out as gay. Since most of the academic researches about married gay are focused on their gender identity, marital stress, amatory or fathering experience. Generally speaking, Their wives are overlooked. On the other hand, all of the academic papers about married or divorced women in Taiwan rarely explore heterosexual women whose husbands are gay. In other words, this study is not only contributed to the researches of married gay but also to the researches of multiple marriage and family. This study is a narrative inquiry which explore heterosexual wives how to cope post-disclosure marriage and family life, how to interpret their coping strategies, how to understand their husbands coming out as a gay, and how to move towards a new life. The findings are as follows: 1. Heterosexual wives and their children are affected when their gay husbands come out during the marriage. Straight spouses face complex issues relate to sexuality, marriage, parenting and so on. They take different coping strategies and show their resilience. But some strategies present misunderstanding and stereotypes about gay because of their lack of correct awareness about gay. 2. The marital quality is affected after their husbands come out. And wives suffer from the behavior of their husbands, such as extramarital affairs with a man, cheating, or violence. They are divorced in the end. 3. They seek emotional support and spiritual comfort through family or religion. They are not used to ask social organizations or groups for help. After their divorce for many years, their life and ideas about marriage all change. Finally, maybe some of them can not only provide peer support to other wives whose husbands come out as gay but also support the gay rights movement in the future. And I provide some advice to gay groups and reflect this paper.