回首戀事浮沉-拉子愛情故事敘說研究

The Past Love in Between-Narrative of Lesbian's Love

趙曉娟(Hsiao-Chuan Chao)

指導教授 ： 洪素珍

淡江大學/教育學院/教育心理與諮商研究所碩士班/碩士(2006年)

https://doi.org/10.6846/TKU.2006.00162

摘要

本論文以女同志在愛情歷程中的各種樣貌探究為主要議題，其中研究目的為：1.當發現自己愛上女人並開始交往時的內心歷程；2.女同志在愛情發展各個階段的樣貌。採用敘說分析的方式，將故事主角的愛情分成愛情內涵與愛情歷程兩部份；愛情內涵有：愛情價值觀、吸引、情慾傾向；愛情歷程中區分出：認識與抉擇、愛情的浪漫、關係中的衝突、分手及回顧戀情後的反思。
三位故事主角皆從未交往過異性戀情，而情慾的產生是自然而然的，對於情慾認同則是一連串累積的歷程；而吸引自己的對象總是再尋找另ㄧ個理想中的自己，從客體關係理論，個體投射幻想將自己的一部分放置在另ㄧ個人身上，並且嘗試從內在去控制那個人，而被投射者將被誘導去完成其投射幻想，以減輕個體的內在焦慮，在這樣的互動機制下，雙方是無法真實的認識與互動。
在愛情歷程中，戀人在展開追求的歷程中，近水樓臺和網路是可能認識彼此的途徑，從友情要進入愛情之前，戀人內心的掙扎與抉擇為何？兩個女生又誰採取主動？當相互吸引的兩女人是如何確定在一起？定情吻、定情餐還是性關係的發生，也許儀式可以多樣性重要的在於內心確認的感受。
愛情中最令人歌頌的是，愛到天長地久，彼此允諾共度人生；但是，在浪漫愛的階段彼此所投射出理想客體的形象，會促使戀人彼此渴望融合在一起，女性從小就被鼓勵在人際中學習，因此，在兩個女人的戀情中，彼此黏在一起的需求或許是較常見的，此階段可回溯到嬰兒與母親的共生階段，此時自體與他人的情感分化尚未存在；往往隨之而來的是失去自我的空間，彼此的互動缺乏新意與成長。
所以期待彼此黏膩的依賴，慢慢的會失去自我感，最後就會進入關係的轉變，想從共生中進入分離-個體化歷程。當戀人的真實面貌一一呈現時，關係中的衝突也隨著互動時間增長而增多，彼此會同時「喚醒」內在力比多自我與攻擊性自我,為了避免面對外在真實客體與理想客體所產生衝突，而引發的內在失控感,一方面自體所排斥的自我部分受到壓抑，但又渴望親近的情感需求未被滿足而形成的失敗感。
當衝突產生循環，伴侶彼此無法透過負責任的溝通與成熟的防衛機制來面對時，分手就會發生在彼此某次的衝突或危機中，分手是一種失落的經驗，成為被動分手者經歷較多的沮喪、孤獨及憤怒；在失戀的歷程可歸納出七個階段：從一開始的試探、決裂、否認、哀傷及憤怒、尋求支持到從谷底爬上來，這個歷程的長短，又視個人對其愛情投入的時間長短、分手的方式與個人的復原能力等而定。

關鍵字

愛情 ； 女同志 ； 敘說研究

並列摘要

This paper discussed various aspects of the love progress in lesbian, and there are two major courses: love connotation and love progress. The former one is divided to love values, attraction, and flesh inclination; and the latter one is divided to understanding and choice, romance of love, conflicts in relationship, parting and reflection after reviewing love.
Leading everybody to know how a lesbian develops the first love between female sexes, and understand her inner flesh development and viewpoint toward love. It is discovered that the three leading characters of the story never have love with different sex; however, flesh is naturally developed and the identification of flesh is the accumulation of a series of progress, and the objective that attracted oneself is always seeking another idea oneself. From the object-relations theory, individual projects illusion to put a part of oneself to the body of another’s, and attempts to control that one internally, whereas the projected one would be induced to complete the projected illusion to reduce the inner anxiety of the individual; under such an interaction system, both parties could not know and interact with each other realistically.
In the progress of seeking love by the lovers, a favorable position and network are possible ways for them to know each other. Before advancing from friendship to love, what are the struggling and choice inside their hearts? Who shall be the first female to act positively? For not losing this person, shall she decides to let go herself to try a love of same sex, or exchanging views with each other to break existing inflexible impressions; how the two females that attract each other to make sure they are going to be together? A kiss of promise, a meal of promise or the occurrence of sexual relationship; maybe rituals could be varied, but the assured inner feeling is the essential.
The ideal objective image projected during the stage of romantic love facilitates lovers to have the desire to combine together. Females are encouraged to learn interpersonally; therefore, in the love of two women, maybe it is more common to have the need to stick together; this stage could flash back to the symbiotic stage between baby and mother; there is no division of emotion between self and some other person.
Consequently, the dependence on expecting to be very close between each other would lose self feeling gradually, and turn to the transition of relationship at last, which is the individualized progress – the desire to advance to separate from symbiotic stage. When the true aspects of the lover appeared one after another, the conflicts in relationship would increase with the extension of interactive time. Both lovers would “recall” the libido and offensive ego inside of them simultaneously in their interaction progress in order to prevent the conflict between the external virtual objects and ideal objects, which could result in the inner feeling of losing control; and the failure feeling caused by partial depression of the ego rejected by self but thirst for the intimate felling not satisfied. For reducing the inner anxiety feeling, the individual turns the inner frustration and attack to the other party, and also feel self-blamed and guilt at the same time.
When conflict is circulated and mates could not face it with responsible communication and mature defensive system, parting would be occurred at certain conflict or crisis between each other. Parting is an experience of losing, and the passive party would experience more depression, lonely and angry. There are seven stages in the failure of love concluding from the interviewing data: from the proving in the beginning to parting, denying, grieving, angry, seeking for support and rehabilitation; the length of this progress has to be determined according to the time for individual to involve in love, parting way and rehabilitation ability of individual.

並列關鍵字

Love ； Lesbian ； Narrative

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