循夢而生─與童年逆境和解歷程的自我敘說

本研究透過自我敘說的方式探討童年逆境經驗對研究者成為助人工作者的影響，以及研究者如何依循自己在近十年間所做的七個夢的指引，由重新梳理研究者的父親與母親的生命故事、研究者自幼迄今和父母共同生活的經驗，還原可能形成研究者童年逆境的原因，以及在探索過程中如何藉由所學習到的專業知識與訓練，幫助研究者整合因童年逆境創傷而分裂的潛意識的自己，並發現研究者想要成為專業助人工作者的動機「成為像父親一樣的人」。研究者將此探索歷程分為三個階段︰一、形成童年逆境的原因，二、療癒童年逆境的創傷，三、與童年逆境和解的歷程。曾經知識成為我和父母間的藩籬，隔開了我真實的感受只剩認知；而今，知識幫助我認回自己並與生而為人最難能可貴的情感連結。

關鍵字

夢；童年逆境；自我敘說

並列摘要

This study explores the potential of researchers becoming helpers through studying their own adverse childhood experiences and analyzing the seven dreams they've had in the past ten years. By recombing through the life stories of the researcher's father and mother and the researcher's personal experiences of living together with their parents since childhood, the researcher can deduce possible causes of childhood adversity and integrate such professional knowledge into training. This self-narrative perspective helps the researcher recognize psychological/emotional splitting in the subconscious due to adverse childhood trauma and translate such findings into motivation to become a parental-figure-like professional helper. The researcher divided this exploration process into three stages: (1) The cause of childhood adversity, (2) Healing the trauma of an adverse childhood, (3) The process of reconciliation with childhood adversity. Before, knowledge was a barrier between my parents and me and separated my true feelings from cognition; now, knowledge helps me recognize aspects of myself and undergo self-awareness, connecting with the valuable emotional connections of being a human being.