紅鞋女孩的生命旅程：在失落中尋回自我價值之敘說研究

許怡麗

指導教授 ： 鄔佩麗

國立臺灣師範大學/教育學院/教育心理與輔導學系碩士在職專班/碩士(2011年)

摘要

本研究目的在於釐清自身生命議題的內涵、形塑原因，及其對親子關係、執教生涯的影響與解套方式。希望藉由生命旅程的回溯、書寫與重新理解，尋回自在自適的生命質地。在研究方法上，本研究是採自我敘說的方式，參照Riessman的主張，架構整個研究流程：以個人當前處境的關注為起點，並輔以敘事團體的分享進行經驗的敘說，再將所獲得的回饋融入文本中以進行轉錄。最後，運用Crossley的「整體—內容」分析法，除扣緊生命歷程脈絡的豐富性反覆閱讀、分析文本外，並藉助理論的視框，重新詮釋與理解生命故事的整體意義。藉由經驗我、文本我以及詮釋我三個層次的呈現，進行故事性理解並體現互為主體性的精神。
透過自我敘說，本研究發現自身生命議題的源頭，包括因果業報的錯誤認知、隨諸多失落與負面事件而陷落的自我價值感；從而發展出的生命形態則是忙亂、自虐的生命姿態與僵化、負向的思維模式。然而，借助生命故事的剖析與理論的對話，我發現經過認知視框的轉換、意涵的擴充，生命議題的理解可以產生截然不同的意義。此外，藉由先苦後甘的敘寫歷程，研究者體悟到：儘管書寫本身即具安頓的療效，並從而發掘內在寶貴的正向資源。然而，從生命糾結的理解到實際的鬆動，仍有一大段路要走。因此，自我敘說只是一個自我探究的起點。
　　再者，儘管本研究試圖藉助竹教大敘事團體的參與架構多元的理解視角，本身依然存在單一視框的跳脫、生命議題對論文敘寫的影響、生命故事的適宜剪裁以及學術典範與敘說探究的衝撞等研究挑戰與限制。最後，研究者根據上述研究發現與限制，針對教育工作者、親職父母以及諮商專業人員提出相關研究建議。

關鍵字

失落 ； 自我價值 ； 因果業報 ； 自我敘說

並列摘要

The Journey of a Girl Wearing Red Shoes:
A Self-Narrative Study
Yi-Li Shiu
Abstract
This self-narrative study aims at clarifying the meaning of self-life and at the forming reasons of it from the narrator with their influence on the narrator’s parent-child relationship and on her teaching career; the study also provides a problem-solving solution as well. By tracing back, describing, and realizing the preceding life journey, the narrator has retrieved the self-content quality of life.
This study is based on one’s self-narration being applied to Catherine Kohler Riessman’s perspective to frame the research procedure: The research starts with the narrator’s present situation accompanying with the experience sharing among the narrative group. And then, the narrator converts the feedback she has obtained into the context. In the end, using Michele L. Crossley’s “Whole- Content Analysis”, the narrator interprets the new meaning of her life. Presenting the three levels of the narrator—the experienced self, the presented self, and the interpreted self, the narrator processes the realization from comprehending a story and experiences the soul of mutually being the researcher and the narrator in one.
Through the self-narration, this study finds the original meaning of one’s life, including the misunderstanding about karma and the low self-esteem self from the loss of self-direction and from negative events that drove one into a chaotic and self-abusive living, as well as developing a rigid and negative thinking pattern of life. However, with the help of analyzing one’s personal life story and the theoretical dialogues, the narrator finds life could have a completely new meaning through the transformation in the recognition frame and the expansion of the meaning of life. In addition, through the “harvest after sowing” writing process, the narrator also figures out that even though writing itself has a cure effect, it also helps herself discover the precious internal positive source. However, there is still a long way to go owing to the narrator’s entangling life. As a result, self-narration has become an initiation for self-discovery.
Furthermore, even though this study has tried to use the assistance of multiple perspectives from the narrative group at Xinzhu Educational University, it still has the following challenges: the solely frame in perspective, the influence from one’s life on the thesis, the clippings of the life story, and the conflict between the academic paragon and the exploration in the narration. Finally, based on the findings and limitations, the researcher still offers some suggestions to educators, parents, and professional helpers.

並列關鍵字

loss ； self-esteem ； karma ； self-narrative study

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