解開共構命運：以分離-個體化回觀母女關係之自我敘說研究

本文旨在透過自我敘說的方式，整頓個人離家上大學之後與母親、以及家族衝突混亂的情節故事，以協助自己在回顧的過程中重新修訂、選擇、統整過去的細節與次序，創造一個連貫且滿意的個人敘說，獲得自我認同，並理出未來方向的可能性。故事的最初書寫由研究者與母親的衝突開始，衍生到家族與研究者之間的關係斷裂。破碎的愛，使研究者自身困頓在「尋愛」與「自主」兩者間不能兼容的內在衝突矛盾之間。之後，研究者透過單獨旅行，從「沒有自己」、「不能做自己」的位置中，去「創造」自己，走向一個較自主、有界限的自我。本文透過青年期第二個分離－個體化歷程（Blos，1979）框視自身深陷的掙扎，在「依賴」和「獨立」兩個客體需求中拉扯，並以此理解母女衝突的經驗。此外，研究者也試圖透過「相互認同」與「父權脈絡」理解母女間分化過程的影響。與此同時在這一連串敘說的經驗中，研究者發現敘說是一連串面對真實自我的過程。情感性流動的「書寫」更能說通生命經驗，內化一個統合性的自我，達到心智的整合以及與自己和解的境界。

關鍵字

心理分離；分離-個體化；自我敘說；母女關係

並列摘要

This study is my personal journey of identity development and separation-individuation in Mother-Daughter relationships through self-narrative inquiry. Narrative is the type of discourse composition that draws together diverse events, happenings and actions of human life into meaningful plots. This thesis reveals the personal life stories of mine and mother confliction, furthermore with family to the narrative configuration process, integrated the plots become a meaningful composition, reconstructed self-identity. The impact of breaking the relationship with significant other(mother) showed self-splitting, lost in looking for love and autonomy contradictory. Theory of second separation-individualism in adolescence (Blos, 1979) was used in this paper to discuss the struggled in the daughter and also interpreted the relationship between them. The turning point of this story started up from daughter’s self-awareness. She moved on to a “new self” who had more boundary control and liberty through travel alone find out what she wants and who she is. The researcher(daughter) found out the process of writing is a way of unifying personal experiences into the process of internalisation, reintegrate inner self to become more congruence and bring to a new sight, reconciliation.