少女的主體認同-涂鈞筑水墨創作研究

現代少女的主體認同多形成在青少年時期與同儕好友互動的過程中，姊妹群體的緊密連結，也從此伴隨著少女自我認同的成長與演變。而她在與戀人的關係中經歷挫敗後，自我認同便游移在姊妹群體的觀念與自我追尋之間，其中所追尋到的途徑，是發掘過去與母親依戀的問題，進而認識到更多關於自己的處境，最後能夠重新建構自我的主體認同。在少女追尋自我認同的過程中，其中童年時期的建構，是透過深入佛洛伊德的精神分析理論，了解關於女性生成的根源性問題；青少年時期的心理成長關係，則依據百合文化與他者凝視的觀點來闡釋影響的形成；成年時期的自我建構，則汲取後女性主義在歷史建構過程中，對被邊緣化的少女所進行的翻轉。基於上述，本研究主題為創作的概念中，以遮蓋與霧化的手法來反映到自我主體退隱的真實性，這個手法如同少女透過裝扮的方式，目的是在呈現自我的慾望，以及觀看場域的主宰。因此，遮蓋底下的真實，曖昧交織著的是少女的陰柔面貌與被社會邊緣化的詭異感，也投射著少女對於真實自我的主體認同。

關鍵字

自我認同；慾望主體；陰性特質；水墨創作

並列摘要

Modern girls in the process of forming a self-identity during adolescence interacted with peers, a closely group of sisterhood, who involves the growth of individual and evolution of self-identity. And after she experienced frustration in the relationships with the lover, the self-identity will be wavering between the concepts of sister group and self-search. She started to pursue the way to explore the solution to the attachment of mother, and to find who she is. Thus, recognizing more about the situation of self, finally; being able to reconstruct the individual self-identity. In the search for the girl's self-identification process, compared to the outside world for answers, more of a dive to a deeper self-exploration. Retired state is formed on the surface. She realized that she had values, which is not the same to the women bounded in the social mainstream consciousness, and that self-infatuation for girl is not a trivial or unimportant sin, but there is a sense of control. With the advantages of such a manipulation, viewing each gaze field freely, girl achieved self-performances. In this study, the approach of covering with atomizing implies the authenticity of the subject. In terms of this technique, as a way to dress, girl aim at presenting the desires, and dominate over the field of gaze. Thus, something more lay under the surface, the feminine face of the girl ambiguously intertwined with a strange sense refer to being marginalized, but also projected the girl's self-identity.