始於分離，邁向完整：一位女性從出養到為人母的自我敘說

這本論文是我透過敘說靠近、接納自己的旅程。從出生滿月被送養開始，我以時間序列往後推移做探究，重新走過生命的各個階段與起伏，透過不同的角度與高度重新演繹過往人生。透過文字的流轉，我重新解讀親生父母、養父、養母和我的關係與糾結，接納這就是我的命運。我曾經積極的藉由各種學習與活動走出陰霾，一直以為傷痛已遠離，但在敘說的旅程中，我清楚的感受有些傷和缺憾並未曾消逝。我透過再次看見生命歷程的苦與樂，開始學習接納自己與愛自己，與看到故事的另一面，有了不同的體悟。從小在乎他人眼光的我，經常為了合乎別人的期待在過自己的人生，成為一個失去自我的人。在敘說中，我真實呈現自己的不完美，雖然感到困難，但透過文字的重整與洗鍊，一遍遍的咀嚼消化後，面對自己內在的缺口，將陰影轉為力量，我慢慢的接納、愛這樣的「我」，在自己的故事中找回自己，成為自己人生的主人。從原生家庭，收養家庭到進入繁衍家庭，我皆曾在愛與信任中迷失，但在走完這趟敘說之旅，我發現我的人生路上其實擁有很多愛與關懷，讓我有勇氣面對各個荊棘。我的生命與敘說的交會成為這份論文，我帶著勇氣和淚水披荊斬棘尋找生命的出口與入口，就在我和生命的源頭產生連結之際，我也找回了愛與信任。

關鍵字

自我敘說；養子女；榮民；母職；弱勢族群

並列摘要

The thesis is a journey for me to get closer to and accept myself. From being abandoned shortly after I was born, I explored my life along the timeline, walked through the ups and downs in my life again, and interpreted my past from different angles and at levels. Through self-narrative, I re-interpreted my relationships and entanglements with my birth parents and adopted parents and finally accepted that it’s my destiny. In the past, I always tried to get rid of the haze in my life and thought the hurt was gone. But in this journey of self-narrative, I felt clearly that the wounds and regrets have never gone. Through looking at significant events that have brought happiness or sadness to my life, I started to learn how to love and accept myself and to gain new, different understandings by seeing the other side of my story. I realize that have been paying a lot of attention on how people see me since I was little. I’ve lived a life just in order to fit people’s expectation. I became a person who lost her being. The self-narrative process, though difficult in itself, enabled a truthful presentation of my imperfections. Through digesting and reforming the words of my story, I faced my inner wound and turned the darkness into power, and gradually I have come to accept and love who I am. I found myself in my story and became the owner of my life. I used to feel that love and trust were missing in the family of origin, the adopted family, and the married family. However, after I accomplished the narrative journey, I discovered that I have got a lot of love and care in my life which helped me to have courage to face each obstacle in my life. My life journey and my self-narrative are interwoven into the fabrics of this thesis, in which I overcame the obstacles with courage and tears to find the meaning of my life. When I was reconnected with the source of my life, I also found love and trust.