小女孩、社工、女人－我在三個「家」中主體性的游移歷程

A little girl, A Social worker, A Woman - the story about my subjectivity moving from the three families.

黨一馨(YI- SHIN DANG)

指導教授 ： 王行

國立臺北大學/社會科學學院/社會工作學系/碩士(2012年)

摘要

我有三個家。三個家的風貌、氣氛不太一樣。第一個家是原生家庭，我在裡面的身分是個小女孩，我使用的是自己的語言，自由和叛逆。然後我長大了，成為社工，我有了個第二個家，這個家叫作安置機構。我在這個家花了很多時間，它不是我的家但它幾乎就是我的家。這個家也會告訴裡面的孩子：這是你們的家。在第二個家中，我自己的語言、信仰的語言、社工的語言交雜著使用。

因為一些緣故我離開了第二個家。我生了小孩，生小孩之後，進入第三個家。第三個家裡幾乎都是沒有血緣的家人，他們也告訴我：這是妳的家。我自己也這樣告訴自己。但有時，我會懷疑，當我懷疑的時候，我想到我的第二個家，我的案主、我的朋友們。現在我不再必須用社工的語言來說他們了，所以我記述了一些他們的故事，用我自己的角度。

我開始寫我第三個家，發現第三個家和第二個有很多相似的地方：它們都有大量的互動、它們都讓人想逃、它們都讓人猶豫不決、它們都糾葛著我們的情感。有時我化身為上帝審視自己，告訴自己要順服。有時候我又變回自己，說，我要追求主體性。自從我進入第三個家，我無法用從前的態度來面對信仰、社工、案主、自己；我的世界分崩離析；我似乎成為了邊緣的次等人；我發現我和上帝的緣分常常不是和諧，而是競爭。這篇論文就是記述著我在這三個家當中主體性游移的故事。最後發現並承認， 神也是個主體，祂會一直跟我競爭下去。

關鍵字

行動研究、主體性、母職、安置機構

並列摘要

There are three families in my life, they are not the same in atmosphere, and each one has its unique image. The first one is my original family. What an identity I have in this family was a little girl. When I talked about myself, I had my own language. I disobeyed and possessed my freedom in this family. Then I grow up and became a social worker. Since I worked in the placement institute, it became my second family. I spent a lot of time in this family. It was not but almost my home. Children in this family are always told: this is your home. In this second family, I had my language, but I also use the language of social work framework and the language of faith. Three languages of them were mixed.

Somehow I left my second family. I became a mother and entered the third family at the same time. I was told that I’m the part of this family although I didn’t have real relationship with anyone except my husband and daughter. I also convinced myself to believe that. Sometimes I doubted it, and then I memorized my second family: my clients, my friends. Now I don’t have to recognize them with social work framework. So I wrote some stories about them in my perspective.

When I wrote about my third family, I found out that: the third family is similar with the second one in many aspects, such as much interaction. And they all made us want to escape, they all made us hesitate, they all made us have emotional entanglement. Sometimes I abided from God telling myself I have to obey. Sometimes I returned to myself declaring that I want to practice my subjectivity. Since I entered the third family, I couldn’t keep the same attitude toward faith, social work, clients and myself. My world changed, it seemed that I was marginalized. I realized the relationship between God and me is more likely to be competitive, not peaceful. The research is about my subjectivity moving from these three families. Finally I found out and recognized God has subjectivity too. The competition between God and me will last.

並列關鍵字

action research, subjectivity, mothering, placement institutes

參考文獻

李其?(2004)。從「憂鬱」進入存在：「疾病」經驗的敘事與辯證。東吳大學社會

彭淑華(2007)。機構安置：保護他(她)？傷害他(她)？─兒童少年保護工作人員眼

蔡素琴、廖鳳池(2009)。從女性主義觀點解讀親子衝突歷程中的母職經驗─以一

劉惠琴(2000)。青少女在母女關係中的個體化模式。中華心理衛生學刊，12，53-91。

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