欲說還休，欲說還休：華人社會子對親的自我揭露

本研究以質性訪談的方式，探討現今華人子對親的自我揭露現況，試圖了解子女在哪些方面的話題有對父母揭露的困難，以及孩子在決定是否對父母揭露前的掙扎歷程與最終揭露的關鍵。研究者訪談17位介於青少年晚期與成年前期的受訪者，蒐集他們對父母自我揭露時曾感到困難及掙扎的相關事例。研究結果顯示，現今華人子女主要在「難以言喻的禁忌話題」、「難以啟口的成長挫折」、「難以訴說的深刻情感」與「不得不說的子女義務」等主題有對父母自我揭露的困難與掙扎。而自我揭露的掙扎過程則有下列幾種情況：(1) 基於子女角色義務，不得不說但不想說；(2) 角色規範限制情感表達，想說但說不出口；(3) 相依牽掛：想說但怕父母擔心；(4) 獨立與依賴的掙扎：想說但怕父母以為自己沒長大。子女突破揭露困難的關鍵為：(1) 「基於義務，不得不說」；(2)「安心分享，無需懼怕」；(3)「情緒衝擊，脫口而出」；(4)「為求認同，勇敢現身」；(5) 「長大成人，朋友相待」。本研究根據以上的研究結果，發展出子對親自我揭露的掙扎與轉變歷程，並指出「孩子同理父母，父母認同孩子」是親子關係轉變的關鍵，當雙方轉變為以情感為基礎的平行關係，孩子將會像朋友一般對父母揭露自己的心事與感受。

關鍵字

自我揭露；親子關係；華人文化

並列摘要

The study was aimed to explore children’s self-disclosure to parents in Chinese culture, including the topics difficult to self-disclose to parents, the struggle children experienced, and the key to self-disclosure to parents. 17 late adolescents and early adults (aged 19 to 30 years) were interviewed and 23 incidents about these issues were collected. Qualitative data analysis indicated that among the topics covered included “the taboo subjects in society”, “frustration experienced in growth process”, “affection deeply from the bottom of one’s heart”, and “the subjects obligated to inform parents”. The struggles experienced by the interviewees have happened as follows: (1) They had to tell under obligations to parents, on the other hand, they were reluctant to tell under fear of parents’ intolerance and unfriendly responses. (2) They desired to but were unable to express deep affection because of limitation by role norms. (3) Under solicitude from interdependence with parents, interviewees were unwilling to self-disclose to parents because they feared parents’ concern for themselves. (4) They agonized over negotiations between independence and dependence under fear of their immaturity in parents eyes. The keys to self-disclose to parents were (1) obligation to tell; (2) being relieved to tell without fear; (3) blurting out under emotional impulse; (4) coming out bravely for identity; (5) interacting like friends as growing up. The struggling and transforming processes of children’s self-disclosure to parents were developed where children’s empathy with parents, and parents identification with children are keys to change parent-child relationships. Children will self-disclose to parents like friends when parent-child relationships become horizontal (not vertical), which is based on affection (not role).