蛻出「病」成為「人」：第一型糖尿病患者的自我敘說

本研究以自我敘說的方式進行，試著整理研究者身為第一型糖尿病患者的成長經驗探究對自我的影響。研究者從十歲罹患第一型糖尿病的記憶開始，因為疾病，懵懂的意識到自己是一位病人，而在與親友互動時，出現對關係的質疑，總覺得別人對她的好，是因為疾病的因素。成長過程中，不斷面臨醫療制度的協助並框架，讓她只能不斷的把自己做好，當一位聽話的病人；疾病帶來的限制及不適，讓研究者在疾病歷程中充滿痛苦及生存焦慮，並對於活著這件事充滿困惑及恐懼；甚至在十七歲那年被診斷出重鬱症；直到大學進入心理系就讀，透過助人工作、個別諮商、單車環島、跑馬拉松及自由書寫，研究者重新建構出自己的樣貌，從期許自己可以蛻變出「病」成為人的歷程中，才發現原來自己是「人」，也是「病人」，還是一位「被看重的病人」。研究者在全然投入助人工作、諮商領域的學習，及在實務現場當事人與研究者的輔導關係及經驗，研究者透過照顧他人需求的自在感，逐漸蛻變病人的角色。也因為疾病帶來杞人憂天的特質，讓她更能貼近每位當事人，甚至意識並接受到自己是一位被重視的病人，透過敘說，不斷的與他人對話，不斷解構自己的生命/疾病歷程，尋得研究者個體之主體性、意義感，繼續漫步在人生/ 疾病的道路上。

關鍵字

自我敘說；第一型糖尿病；醫療制度；個別諮商；單車環島；馬拉松

並列摘要

The aim of this study was to apply the self-narrative approach in analyzing researcher’s experience as a diabetes patient. When researcher was diagnosed Type 1 diabetes in her ten-year-old and started to realize herself as a patient, researcher doubted the kindness of relationships from family and friends because of her illness. Due to continuously facing medication system, researcher became make herself best to be a “good patient”. Many uncomfortableness and limitation from her Illness not only leads to researcher feel pain and living anxiety, but also lots of confusion in her life; even researcher was diagnosed major depression in her 17-year-old. After researcher study psychology in her undergraduate school, by helping others, recycling over Taiwan, running marathon and free writing, she reconstructed her self-image. The expectation from the process of becoming a person tells the researcher who is a person, a patient, and even a “precious patient”. The researcher became a person from contributions in helping others, knowledge from counseling psychology, clinical experience with clients, confidences of taking care others’ needs. Also, the feature from the illness is worry, which helps her to get closer her clients and to realize accepting herself as a precious patient. It is to find a subjective of the researcher and meaningful to walk on the life/illness road continually with continuously conversations or narrations with others,deconstruction of the life and the illness.