看見山茶花開--敘說三個女人生命的故事

The Camellias Are in Bloom--Narrating the Life Story of Three Women

吳佩炫(WU, PEI-HSUAN)

指導教授 ： 程玲玲

國立臺北大學/社會科學學院/社會工作學系/碩士(2009年)

摘要

山茶花開在外婆家門前已經數十年，現在仍兀自站在外婆家老屋前，山茶花對我來說，是一個安全、溫暖及歡笑的標記...
開始想寫自我敘說是在外婆往生半年後，因為做了一個吶喊外婆的夢，更深刻我對外婆的思念….也將對媽媽不諒解的塵封揭開…燃起了我寫依附關係的念頭！
出生三天後媽媽將我丟給外婆照顧，我認定的人是外婆！當媽媽將我從外婆家帶回，我的安全依附再次被打破，我無法與媽媽靠近！
我對媽媽的責備，伴我度過過往的人生，直到開始寫論文，除了敘說外婆的一生，看見外婆給我的愛及對我的影響；也重新認識媽媽的生命歷程，以往我「二元對立」的論述，一直固著的套用在媽媽身上，當與媽媽對話，描繪出不同層次的意義時，「兩者皆是」的思維也躍然而出...
敘說生命故事幫助我更了解外婆、媽媽和我在當時情境脈落下，對自己經驗的想法和感受，以及我們各自是如何詮釋、選擇自己所處的世界和環境...
也藉由我們三個女人的生命歷史進入我的感知與詮釋，然後在一連串文本符號的異化與展現下，我的匱乏與裂縫因而被看見，也讓我、他者和大他者展開不同的凝視與反思之旅..
最後更看見山茶花對我們來說，都帶著對家共同的記憶與象徵，在認識自己生命故事時，也認識這些我生命中重要他人，才經驗到山茶花對我來說，既隱喻為我個人內在經歷層層包覆之後，才能漸漸綻放的過程，是主體個體化歷程卻也同時覺知與我們三代家人息息相關之共同連結，猶如宇宙中既獨立又合一的存在...

關鍵字

生命歷程、自我敘說

並列摘要

ABSTRACT
The Camellias Are in Bloom--Narrating the Life Story of Three Women
By
WU, PEI-HSUAN
January 2009
ADVISOR(S)：Dr. CHENG, LIN-LIN
DEPARTMENT：SOCIAL WORK
MAJOR(No more than ten words)：SOCIAL WORK
DEGREE(Do not use abbreviations)：MASTER OF SOCIAL WORK
The camellia tree in front of grandmother’s house has been growing for years. The significance of the camellia represents security, warmth and laughter for me.
I had a dream after grandmother has past away for almost six months. I cried for grandmother in the dream. Because of this dream, I miss her more. It inspired me to narrate my own story. It also reminded me of my unable to forgive my mother. I wanted to work on the topic of attachment.
The first person I recognized was my grandmother because I was given to her while I was born three days later. When I was six, my mother brought me back to her. My secure attachment to grandmother was deprived of. I could not build an intimate relationship with my mother.
What has been accompanying me is my blame to my mother. When I started to write my thesis, by narrating grandmother's story, I realize her love and impact upon me; moreover, I have had a brand new perspective on my mother. I used to have a specific perspective toward my mother; however, when I start to dialog with her, I have had a different perspective upon her.
Narrating life stories have helped me understanding more about my grandmother, mother and me- how did we perceive, choose and interact with our environment. It also evolves the reflections among me, others and the history.
Finally I realize the significance of the camellia is the family’s common memory and the symbol of family. The camellia is a metaphor of my growing in the life process- a process of subjective individuation and a closed linkage among three generations.

並列關鍵字

Life course、Self-narrative

參考文獻

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