擺盪在斷裂之間-我與社會工作相遇的旅程

這是一段敘說著我與「社會工作」相遇後的種種歷程，一個有關理解、改變及開展的過程。在第一章中我整理了在進入社會工作場域後所面臨到的三個斷裂處境，分別在專業知識背景與實務操作之間、工作現場的價值競逐以及自我整合困難的三個層面上。而在第二章及第三章裡，我分別抽取了工作現場及生命歷程中重要的經驗來具象化這些斷裂帶給我的觸動與引發，「斷裂」在兩個系統間或交雜或並行的反覆出現，使我產生了身心不適的苦楚，而回到我既有的生存姿態中則以高度的自我控制來壓制這些複雜難解的情感經驗，期待能緩解不適，同時也藉著我慣有的信念與詮釋角度，拉住自己留在既有的舒適圈，看著發生在自身與周遭世界的一切，於是痛苦沒有結束，處境也沒有改變，我還在原地！斷裂是一種處境、擺盪是一種選擇，在反覆陣痛的過程中我想要脫困卻又找不到位置安頓、直到我開始認真接觸這些斷裂所帶來的不適，然後藉著與他者的深度分享與交流，輔以書寫、對話、回觀過往的歷程然後再行動，促使我慢慢理解那不適感的源頭來自於我內裡的不安與對於世界有限的觀看，於是我在第四章中整理了過往以來重要的書寫經驗歷程，藉此我也更深刻地理解了在這內外察看的狀態中自身如何使用「書寫」作為一種方法來探索自我與關係，並且這些探索活動也擴張了我的視野，因此重看斷裂之時我對它有了新的理解，斷裂雖含著苦楚，卻也成為了行動及改變的開端。走到末尾的第五章，帶著對於過往的重整，我開始學習將目光挪開自身而拉到環境上，透由在家防中心工作現場的練習，我嘗試去理解人在環境中的處境與選擇，同時也在關係中與他者核對這些觀看。漸漸地發現，相較以往我稍能在不同的情境中安頓自己，同時對關係與環境作出回應而不僅依憑我的需要。當我統整了這一路走來的自我整合與在人我互動中的學習經驗，使得我更加有能量在生命進程中做些新的嘗試，並為這段從斷裂到安頓的旅程劃下註解，也為著開啟下一段旅程進行準備。

關鍵字

斷裂；敘說；書寫；實踐行動

並列摘要

This paper is a narrative story of what the author have been through when she participate into the Social Work field,It is also a history relating to understanding、transformation and reborn. In the first chapter,the author collected 3 " fracture " parts included of schooling and Social Work practice,finding her values and having difficulty to put herself together. For the next two chapters,the important life and working experiences were brought out to externalize the author's feelings and inspirations from those " fracture " parts. The" fracture " feeling was repeating and intersecting between two systems which is life path and working area,and it made author feel uncomfortable. She use defense mechanism to keep the complicated feelings under control and stuck her own way to see things in order to reduce her unhappiness and stay in her "comfort zone". However, her unhappiness didn't end in this way, the author found out she was still on the starting point. Fracture from originals is a condition to the author,swing back and forth is her choice. The author was trapped by struggles for change and she felt insecure in this situation, then she decided to face the uncomfortable feelings caused by those“fractures”through sharing conversations with others、writing、making self dialogues and reflections. After all implementations, the author was getting to understand the reason that made her uncomfortable is her insecurity and seeing the world partially. In the Chapter 4, the author collected her important writing about her experience and feelings, then she found out the act of writing could help her to be self-aware and explore herself, and the self explorations were truly broaden her minds. Now the author could put the“fracture”situation to a new interpretation, and it initiated the action and transformation. In the final chapter, the author started to take her eyes on the environment with her history sort- out, trying to understand clients' choices base on person-in -environment theory at work in Domestic violence and Sexual assault Prevention Center. At the same time, the author could discuss her view of clients' relationships with colleagues. Then She gradually discovered the fact that she could be peaceful in different situations, responding to relationship and environment issues without her needs. Once the author packed her learning experiences of self integration and interaction with others, she would has more energy to try something new and make explanatory to the history, preparing to the next life journey.