尋找永恆-從死亡到親密關係

摘要當我大略知道｢死亡｣是怎麼一回事的時候，我一點都不想接受它。然而從小到大，不免經歷過許多身邊親友的離去，我依舊害怕著，但卻不知道要如何去處理，直到研究所的實習時，我選擇到醫院去實習，在那裡，我面對了許多過往所不願意去正視的｢死亡｣。為何我會這麼的害怕｢死亡｣，我開始去思考這一切對我的意義為何。透過｢敘事｣，我開始去回顧自己生命的過往，探察這些對我的影響。我發現死亡對我來說不只是生命的失去，同時也包含了我對安全感及愛的渴望，而這些都與我的親密關係息息相關。於是，｢從死亡到親密關係｣正說明了我在撰寫論文的過程中不斷浮現的層層故事集，而這也影響我甚鉅。除了透過書寫外，本人還參與了蘆荻社區大學的生命寫作班，以及到台大選修敘事治療之課程，讓我更加清楚甚麼叫做｢敘事｣。論文題目的名稱｢尋找永恆｣，那個｢永恆｣是我一直不肯放棄的名詞，但卻在一開始始終不了解我要的到底是甚麼，透過老師的提醒，我也開始去思考，那個永恆對我的意義為何？從開始到整個結束的過程中，轉變開始發生，我從｢想寫一個讓自己感動的故事｣，變成｢想做一個有回憶的人｣！為的就是不想讓過往的那個自己跑掉、遺忘，我可以逐一去檢視自己為什麼會成為這樣的一個人，又是被甚麼原因所影響著。凡事必有它的道理存在！生命當中難免會有所謂的美與不美出現，許多已不能改變，而唯一能夠做的就是面對它的態度與坦然接受，並將之視為生命歷程中的一部分。

關鍵字

永恆；愛；安全感；平凡；接受

並列摘要

ABSTRACT Seeking Eternity--From Death to the Intimate Relation By LIN，CHIA-CHENG January 2009 ADVISOR(S)：Dr. CHENG, LIN-LIN DEPARTMENT：SOCIAL WORK MAJOR(No more than ten words)：SOCIAL WORK DEGREE(Do not use abbreviations)：MASTER OF SOCIAL WORK I experienced much death of relatives and friends in my life. When I knew generally what “the death” is, I didn’t want to accept it. I am still afraid of it now, but I do not know how to do. Until my field work at a hospital in my graduate study, I faced “the death” that I wouldn’t face in the past. Why am I so afraid of “the death”? I started to think the meaning to me is. By way of “narrative”, I started to review my life, and think what the impact was. I found that the meaning of the death was not only life losing, but also my desire in security and love. These were closely linked with my intimate relation. Therefore, the title of my thesis “from death to the intimate relation” shows many stories appear unceasingly in my process of writing this thesis, and it affected me so much. In addition to writing, I also participated in the life-writing course in Reed Community College, as well as I took narrative therapy course in National Taiwan University. All of them teach me what “narrative” is. The title of this thesis is “seeking eternity”, and “eternity” is the noun which I didn’t want to give up. I didn’t know what I wanted in the beginning. I started to think the meaning of eternity to me until my professor reminded me. The transformation started to occur in the ending process. I have changed to “wanted to be a man with memory” from “wanted to write a story touches me” in order to keep myself from forgetting. And I inspect one by one why I become a person, also what has affected me. Everything must have its truth! There is always beauty and ugliness in life and many cannot be changed again. What we can do is to face it and accept it with confidence, and regard it as a part in life.