徘徊在聽與說之間─ㄧ個社會工作學習者在自我與專業間的差異對話

Lingering in Listening and Talking： A Social Work Learner’s Dialog of Differences between Herself and the Profession

王佳琦(Chia-Chi Wang)

指導教授 ： 程玲玲

國立臺北大學/社會科學學院/社會工作學系/碩士(2007年)

摘要

背著童年的「原罪」所挾帶一股濃烈的自卑感和使命感，我深受社會工作所吸引。以為這個讓我寄生的社會工作可以成就我，我蓋住自己的聲音，好讓社會工作強大的「專業」包裝我的無能。只可惜，這樣的我回不了家、也走不到社會工作的崇高理想。扛著沉重的「專業」社會工作的皇冠，我迷了路。

豐富的志工經驗，再沿著純正社工血統的大學、研究所養成教育，我發現自己像是住在一個由知識搭建而成的高聳城堡，外在知識薄弱而搖搖欲墜，城堡阻隔了外在的聲音，為了維繫關係，我不說，為了鞏固權力，我不聽，漸漸發現助人實務和助人知識斷裂，自我和專業亦跟著失聯，微薄的聲音使我成了徘徊在當中的社會工作學習者。

我決定以自我敘說的方式，踏上書寫、分享的旅程，與社區大學的薰陶、一個一個的生命分享團體，用心接觸生活，與人的相遇，藉由文本與他者對話，也和另一個未知的自我產生新的對話關係。這個啟程的開始，正是通往回家的路。

對話的激盪經驗，幫助緩緩我靠近父母，因而書寫父母的生命故事，我們有了新的交流，我嘗試經歷他們的生命。重新理解母親的柔，和父親的剛，在脈絡重現後有了新的意義，母親被壓制的聲音、用妥協換取一條路，父親白手起家搭建一座保護自己的城堡，我在當中看見自己的影子，滿是不捨，因而放下自己過去難以消解的責難。

而後，我看見自己的脆弱，重新貼近自己的感覺，只是一個人，藉由回顧我在原生家庭的位置，自我生成的互動、受到社會工作吸引的過程，對社會工作「專業」進行重新框架。社會工作的知識幫助我翻身，可是卻讓我離自己、他人越來越遠。我重新貼近生活和人群，體會自己的感覺、與靠近別人，褪去專業的保護盔甲，重拾社會工作最樸實的感動。最後，藉由自己的行動途徑整理這段自我敘說的路徑，並試圖窺見社會工作學院教育體制存在於自我與專業的落差。

我想走出城堡，聽見不同的聲音，繼續進行差異對話。

關鍵字

自我敘說 ； 社會工作 ； 社工認同 ； 差異對話

並列摘要

I have been carrying an “original sin“from my childhood with strong inferiority and a great mission. I was deeply attracted by Social Work. I have made believe that Social Work would fulfill me and I could cover up my incapability. Unfortunately, neither can I go back or go forward toward the highest achievement of Social Work. I got lost under the heavy crown of “professional” Social Work.

Although I have had abundant volunteer experiences and Social Work training during my undergraduate and graduate study, I live in an aerial castle which has isolated from the outside sounds and made extrinsic knowledge weak and infirm. In order to keep relations with outside world and consolidate authority, I refuse to talk and listen. Gradually I have found a crack between social work practice and theories. The Self and the Profession have no connection as well. I am lingering in between.

By means of self-narrative, I keep on writing my own story and sharing my texts with classmates in a community college. I start my journey of going home.

The experience of surging interactive dialogue with others also helps me getting close to my parents. By writing down their life stories, I have gained a new insight about them. Experiencing their past histories, I discover the root of my mother’s tenderness and my father’s toughness. New meanings have been revealed by their contexts. In order to get her own space, mom’s voices were suppressed. My father has built a castle for himself and his family by his own effort. With great compassion to them, I yield my condemnation which has hardly been erased from my past.

Afterwards, I discover my own vulnerability. Along, I get close to my own feelings by reviewing my role in my family. I took off the armor called “profession”; I am simply moved by the nature of social work. I rearranged the sequence of my own narrative in the course of positive action. I also get a glimpse on existing discrepancies between the self and the profession in social work academic training.

I walk out the castle; listen to different sounds, and dialogue.

並列關鍵字

Self-narratives ； Social Work ； the Identity with Social Work ； Dialog of Differences

參考文獻

畢恆達 (1995)：〈生活經驗研究的反省：詮釋學的觀點〉。《本土心理學研究》，4，224-259。

翁開誠 (2007)：〈敘說、反映與實踐：教學、助人與研究的一體之道〉。《行動研究在臺灣─社會田野中的實踐者研討會》。蘆荻社區大學。

蔡宏政 (2006)：〈論社區大學之「知識解放」如何可能？一個知識論原則的分析〉。《教育與社會研究》。10，31-64。

朱瑞玲 (1999)：〈中國人的慈善觀念〉。載於楊國樞、余安邦主編，《中國人的心理與行為》(頁1-38)。臺北市：桂冠。

余德慧 (2002)：〈追索敘說自我的主體〉。《應用心理研究》，16。214-217。