不願承認的脆弱：從意義的追尋到看見生命的挫折

此論文的研究方法為自我敘說，透過書寫生命故事，記下研究者記憶裡個人主觀的生命經驗，包括對於意義的困惑、與家人及他人的人際互動，以及成長歷程的重要事件等。在研究初期，研究目的為找出我活著的意義。在歷經近一年書寫及剖析過程中，重新檢視過去的生命故事及歷程中的詮釋是如何影響自身生命史，研究目的轉變為找出此刻自己的生命價值。研究者在重新檢視文本過程中，意識到自己在過去與他人互動及面對挫折的應對方式，使自身對過去經歷產生負面的結論，以致長期無法肯定自己的付出。在研究過程中反思、討論、書寫中釐清困惑的樣貌，並重新思考之後該以何種姿態面對困惑。

關鍵字

自我敘說；生命價值

並列摘要

The research method of this thesis is self-narration. Through writing life stories, the researcher's personal subjective life experience is recorded in the memory of the researcher, including confusion about meaning of life, interpersonal interaction with family and others, and important events in the growth process. At the beginning of the research, the purpose of the research was to find out the meaning of my life. In the process of writing and analyzing for nearly a year, I reexamined the past life stories and how the interpretations in the course affected my life history. The purpose of the research has changed to find out the value of my own life at this moment. In the process of reexamining the text, the researcher realized that he had interacted with others in the past and the way he coped with setbacks, which made him draw negative conclusions about his past experience, so that he could not be sure of his contribution for a long time. In the process of research, reflection, discussion, and writing clarify the appearance of confusion, and rethink the posture to face the confusion afterwards.